Fuzzy busy bees, buzzing, bumbling, bumper-car bugs in my brain.

Wings whirring, whizzing about, announcing themselves like a bus full of kids let loose at a playground:

“look at me! look at me! look at me!”

Running, spinning in circles, round and round, making me dizzy,

but wide-eyed, too afraid one will slip out of the gate and into traffic

to ever sleep.

So I track their frantic flight under lowered lids, until I finally give in, sit up, and grab a pen.

[scs_alt]

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

It’s the gritty, sandpaper feel behind my eyeballs,

the five pound weight on my head,

the pulling, pulling, pulling on my eyelids,

the invisible hand pressing my chest,

back, back, back into the pillow.

“Go back to sleep,” it tells me, and oh,

do I want to obey!

I could drive off so easily, forget all my troubles,

float off to dreamland…

It’s so tempting, but my troubles will have multiplied

if I allow myself to give in.

So I’ll get up instead and get to work.

[scs_alt]

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

How many minutes did I sit here, thinking?

The lid of the pasta pot, sparkling with condensation.

The duvet, wrapped around your sleeping form.

The blank of darkness, hiding shapes moving through the night.

Cover.

Cover.

Cover.

Cover it up.

Sweep it under the rug.

Go under cover.

Cover the shoebox with dirt, say a prayer, decorate the tiny grave with flowers.

Cover up your feelings with a bright smile.

I’ve got you covered.

[scs_alt]

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

She told us last night, over sushi,

how she’s losing a job, a 25-year friendship.

The table was quiet, sobered.

I thought of my own lost friendships,

some that faded slowly,

others, one-sided, that I weeded from my friendship garden

after painful deliberation.

Still others where I, apparently, was deemed the weed,

left to wither, then finally yanked out by the roots.

Losses, all of them.

Yet I gained from them too, even if only

in self-awareness and cautionary tales.

[scs_alt]

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

What they don’t tell you is that chaos is necessary,

that creation requires destruction,

that before you can build up, you must tear down.

The Greeks knew this. Our bones know it,

our sore-after-exercising muscles.

The big mess? The “I have no idea what do do next” panic?

They’re all part of the process.

Just cozy up to the discomfort and push on through.

What birth was ever pain-free?

[scs_alt]

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!