Note: I forgot to toss in some 3×5 cards when packing for the mountains, so I improvised, drawing boxes of in my journal that were approximately 3″x5″. It’s the spirit, rather than the letter of the project that interests me.  

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How things went, normally, was not according to plan.

Day after day I’d get up, write out my menu for the day–

starvation rations, naturally.

And day after day I’d blow it.

Hunger, or rebelliousness, would inevitably win out,

and oh, the beatings that followed.

The whip was only metaphorical, but it left bruises.

And the bile in my throat and mouth was real enough.

What scares me is not that this was normal behavior–

it’s ancient history in my life–

but that so many women see this as normal right now.

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Frequent thoughts, a dozen years ago: This is not how I want my life to be! I hate my life! If only I had time to do what I love!

Frequent thoughts, now: I love my life! I’m so lucky! I’m so grateful! It makes me so happy to do what I love!

Frequent activities, a dozen years ago: work, work, work, complaining about work.

Frequent activities, now: writing, little and big bits of art making, laughing with loved ones, work, more creating, meditating, yoga, work, creating.

You do the math.

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Oh, the unrelenting horror that was 7th grade.

Everything was an embarrassment.

The zits springing up on my face and back.

The fact that I didn’t have enough of a bust line to fill a bra.

The shopping trip with my 36C mother to buy my first bra(lette).

The strap that then appeared through the fabric of my shirt, a target for hormonal boys to snap.

Not having a period.

Having a period.

Not dancing at the school dance.

Dancing at the school dance.

The upshot is, I was embarrassed to be me.

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If you were to write a summary of your life so far, what would it say?

How to encapsulate decades in a brief?

Still finding herself after 47 years.

She loved, lost, and loved again.

Endless pursuit of mastery equals joy.

More self-compassion leads to more happiness.

Recovering perfectionist embraces imperfectionism, lives well.

Life keeps getting better and better.

Learning that good enough is enough.

Tell me, in 6-word sentences, your own summary.

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