For years I thought I was lazy,

I didn’t like to work hard.

Wrong.

I don’t like being bored,

and I don’t like sinking time into things that feel

purposeless.

It’s not hard work I abhor, though.

In fact, I love the pursuit,

the challenge of something that pushes me

at my edge.

Is it uncomfortable?

Frequently.

Is it satisfying when I persist through the discomfort?

Almost always.

The truth is, I love to work hard,

when it’s work I choose.

That makes all the difference.

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I was looking for somebody else when you found me.

Thankfully you knew a good thing when you had it in your grasp.

I kept wriggling free, not realizing that you were the haven,

that all my seeking was the real trap.

That you were so close to being

The

One

That

Got

Away,

and I didn’t even know it.

The torch you carried kept shining a path back to me,

and its warmth finally melted the icy blinders I was wearing.

Found

found

found.

[scs_alt]

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The most damaging thing I learned in school was that there is a “right” way to create.

A “right” way to draw, a “right” way to write, a “right” way to make music, a “right” way to dance.

In one fell swoop, without even realizing it, all other modes of expression and ways of being were officially rendered “wrong.”

Down the drain went exploration and play.

My most important job as an adult is unlearning all those rules, regaining the native intelligence that school erased.

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I didn’t even know this space existed six and a half years ago. I was looking for something like it, but headed in the wrong direction to find it. Looking up and to the right, when the treasure was right in front of me. All I needed to do was dig.

But how would you know anything  lies underneath when the surface is so still? Its true shape revealed only with time & patience, and a willingness to listen for colors and look for music not evident to the hasty mind.

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My first acting gig was as a clown and a seal, in the kindergarten circus.

Carla and I made up a gag in which we grabbed a big lollipop out of the other’s hand. The teacher liked it enough that she bought us a giant lollipop to use in the show in the MP room.

My seal balanced a ball on her nose — a red balloon taped to a seal-shaped mask I painted brown. I rolled on the linoleum floor, keeping the tip of the mask pointed up the best I could.

It bothered me that the balloon wasn’t completely round. More of a teardrop.

But no doubt the parents all loved it.

[scs_alt]

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