Passover has snuck up on me once again. As usual, I feel unprepared, though since I’m not eating wheat or grains*, lack of matzoh is for once not an issue.

The house still needs to be cleaned and vacuumed for tonight’s meal, the table set, the rest of the food chopped and cooked or baked. It will just be four of us tonight, a very casual dinner with “Passover elements,” rather than a true seder. I’m grateful for a laid-back gathering, but it still requires some prep.

Preparation for Passover is not just in the physical tasks, however; a big part of it is mental and emotional. I love meditating on the themes of the holiday every spring: rebirth/renewal, escaping from bondage and charging boldly out in search of the promised land.

Every year there’s something in my life that connects with these metaphors, and this year is no exception. Yesterday I managed to get out into the sunshine to walk for over an hour, in nature no less, out by the water near my home (yay me!) It was a much-needed time for reflection, for going inside (which always seems easier when I get outside).

This year, perhaps more than most, I’m especially aware of the “enslavement” I’m leaving behind, and the promised land I’m marching towards.

A summary:

What I’m Leaving Behind

The Israelites got comfortable in Egypt. It was pretty darn good for awhile, but later… not so much. Still, leaving wasn’t easy. They had to go out into the wilderness, remember? Yikes!

But – after some nudging by the Big Guy, granted – the pain of going out into the wilderness was ultimately less than the pain of staying.

In my life? I’ve been comfortable in my work situation, and comfortable in a cozy relationship that had cracks in the foundation. There just wasn’t enough of an incentive to change things, because it was pretty darn good in a lot of ways.

A confluence of crises ultimately got me off my butt to create some change: I’m throwing a ton of energy into new artwork, new business ventures, and loving it, rather than throwing a ton of energy trying to fix my old life system, while seriously not loving it.

This is good!

I’m also leaving behind a relationship that gave me so many gifts… but was ultimately not a partnership that was going to work in the long run.

I’m not leaving behind sadness yet. Maybe eventually, but for now it’s along for the ride.

Which brings me to…

What I’m taking with me into the promised land

– Wonderful memories

– Confidence and hope that yes, I can create the life I want!

– An astonishing lack of urgency around creating a new relationship (yay me!)

– Ideas, ideas, ideas!

– A new practice of writing a ton, and quite regularly (yay me!)

– The aforementioned sadness

– Fear (yes, I’ll admit it!)

Miracles and Gratitude

The Israelites witnessed and benefited from many miracles – that’s a lot of what the Passover story is all about. From rods turning into serpents, to the parting of the Red Sea, to manna in the wilderness, they escaped and survived because of miracles. Dayenu!

Me? It seems to me the Universe throws miracles my way fairly regularly, though I don’t always recognize them as such. Especially at the time.

Examples:

– The crisis in my financial life that would bring out the true colors of my relationship and force a change.

A miracle! Thank you.

– The crisis in my financial life that would finally get me to look at what I really want to do with my life, rather than trying to build up something because I think I should!

A miracle! Thank you.

– Good omens and validations for my new directions (clients dropping into my lap out of the blue; my first sale in my new line of art; a comment on my blog) .

A miracle! Thank you.

– The aforementioned astonishing lack of urgency around creating a new relationship.

A miracle! Thank you.

– An astonishing burst of creative energy!

A miracle! Thank you.

Can I say dayenu (it’s enough)? Alas, I’m not that Zen yet. I still want more, and I’m charging forward to reach for it.

In closing

I’m grateful for the beautiful spring weather, the blossoms bursting out on the fruit trees, the singing of the birds, and the knowledge that I’ll be spending the evening with people I love. But dang, I really need some sleep. (Maybe the next Passover miracle will be me getting enough rest…)

I wish a beautiful, creative holiday to everyone celebrating this week. May it be filled with reflection, miracles and gratitude.

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* One of the many things I’m grateful to my ex for is introducing me to the Primal Blueprint way of eating. Although I haven’t read the book, I’m following most of the principles as I understand them. It started as a bit of a crazy experiment, but I’m so much happier with the way I feel eating this way. So even after the ex left, the eating plan stayed.

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What are you leaving behind this year?

What are you bringing with you into the promised land?

What miracles are you grateful for?