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Because you *will* stumble. This is not an excuse to beat yourself up; it’s an opportunity to practice #selfcompassion
Question Time! How Do You Start Again After a Loss?
Last week I sloughed off my normal life and immersed myself in an intensive workshop at BATS Improv.
We spent three and a half days playing games, sharing true stories, making stories up, and learning to do all of it as effortlessly as possible.
(As always, I was there wearing my student hat, and also madly taking notes wearing my teacher hat, collecting ideas for my next playshop!)
On Sunday, during a discussion about how to handle potentially sticky interactions with audience members, the teachers, Rebecca and William, shared a story that happened years ago, when the two of them were performing in an improv show called This Is Your Life, in which they brought a volunteer up from the audience to (you guessed it) interview about her life.
Rebecca found out that the volunteer interviewee was a mother of two, and after the woman had shared quite a bit about her daughter, Rebecca asked her about her son. There was a pause, and tears welled up in the woman’s eyes.
“My son died six months ago,” she croaked out.
The audience let out a sympathetic gasp, followed by a very loud silence. Womp. The energy in the theater dropped with a thud.
For an improviser onstage, this is rather a nightmare scenario. In the pressure of the spotlight, one might be tempted to somehow brush it all under a rug, move on, maybe (egad) even make a joke out of it. Thankfully, Rebecca did nothing of the sort.
Instead, she reached for a box of tissues sitting on the table nearby, pulled a tissue out for herself, then handed one to the woman. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “Do you want to talk about him?”
“No, I don’t,” said the woman. Then she proceeded to talk about nothing but her son for the next twenty minutes. (Isn’t that so often how it happens?)
A horribly uncomfortable moment was transformed into a beautiful one, and it didn’t stop there. The volunteer interviewee came back to every BATS show that week, and even after moving to another state with her husband, she still attends BATS shows whenever she’s in San Francisco.
What Rebecca and William only learned later, though, was that this uncomfortable moment onstage gave the woman her life back.
It turns out that she was an artist, but had been unable to paint since the death of her son. Rebecca’s question during that improv show was the catalyst that finally allowed this woman to start processing her grief, and enabled her to get back to painting.
Art gave this woman her art back.
Starting Again After a Loss
It’s serendipitous that I heard Rebecca’s story last week, because I recently received two emails in the span of four days, each addressing the issue of how loss and grief affect our ability to create. With the permission of the sendees, today’s Question Time post today is inspired by their notes.
Dear Ms. Dinwiddie,
I have read your website with great enjoyment. I hope it is alright to ask a question and I do understand if you are unable or unwilling to answer.
You have mentioned that you have had large blocks of time, in years, when you haven’t been able to create. May I please ask what you did that enabled you to go back to creating?
I have read your blog from May 3, 2013, “How to Get Out of a Creative Rut” and I think what I’m after is what happened before that to enable you to start again. Self-permission? Self-acceptance? What happened to allow you to let go and start again?
I have been a bit lost and unable to sustain any creative idea since my remaining parent passed away four years ago. I am 54 years old.
Thanks so much for your time and an excellent website.
Kind regards,
Linda
Dear Melissa,
My biggest challenge is picking myself up and starting over again. I facilitate journal groups for women, but after my father died three years ago I felt the wind fall from the sails. I am 71 years young, but it is clear as I rise from this self-imposed fog of grief and loss that I am finally ready to move on.
But how (one step at a time?) and to where? Ah, that’s bigger question.
The key word here may be sustain. I find that my creative energy goes in spurts and stops, has a difficult time digging in to focus.
Best,
Susan
Dear Linda and Susan,
First, let me say how sorry I am for your losses. It is not at all surprising that you’ve felt lost and unable to focus. Grief does that.
My own lengthy periods of creative paralysis were not initiated by grieving a death, so I can’t speak to your loss from an equivalent experience of my own. What I do know about grief, though, is that each of us has our own process and timeline. Processing a loss cannot be rushed.
That said, Rebecca’s story lends strength to the theory that telling your story, letting it out, is key to clearing the blockage that grief can put on our lives. I’m a big believer in the power of sounding boards, whether in the form of a therapist, a trusted friend, or a theater audience! I hope you each have a set of empathetic ears you can turn to — this may be the biggest healer of all.
Self-Awareness & Self-Compassion
Meanwhile, since both of you have expressed a desire and a sense of readiness to get back to creating, it sounds like you’ve moved past the frozen numbness of the early stages of grief. Noticing the desire is an important step! In fact, it’s the first half of my Golden Formula — self-awareness + self-compassion = the key to everything good — hooray for self-awareness!
The second half of the Golden Formula, the self-compassion piece, is equally important here. You have the awareness that you want to start creating again, and the feelings that go along with wanting something and not having it yet: perhaps frustration, sadness, longing. If you’re like me, you might even feel some anger and disgust at yourself for not getting on with it already.
This is where you get to practice mindful self-compassion: notice all those feelings, even the bad ones, and remind yourself that feelings like these do not mean there’s something wrong with you; they mean you’re human.
Our tendency is so often to react to bad feelings with more of the same: “I’m so frustrated with myself. And now I’m disgusted with myself for being frustrated with myself! BAD MELISSA! BAD! What the hooey is wrong with you?? You’ll never amount to anything!”
You’ve probably already experienced how unhelpful and counter-productive this is, so why not try the opposite tactic?
Dr. Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, offers this mantra for anytime you notice yourself feeling badly about anything:
This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is part of life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I give myself the compassion I need.
With this approach, the ranty monologue above can transform into a kind of dialogue:
“I’m so frustrated with myself.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I know you’re frustrated. This is a moment of suffering, dear one.”
“But I’m just disgusted with myself!”
“Yes, my beloved, I feel how painful that is. I’m going to wrap you in my arms and hold you. You deserve nothing but kindness and love.”
With each day that passes, I become more and more convinced that self-awareness and self-compassion truly are the key to everything.
Focus
Meanwhile, let’s talk about sustaining focus.
I hear you both that you want to be able to sustain your creative ideas and focus for longer than you currently feel able. Again, the Golden Formula comes in handy here.
You can use your self-awareness to ask: What are you feeling when you find it hard to focus? Where do you feel it — your gut? Your heart? Your head? Your toes? What impedes your focus? What helps it?
Then, whatever your answers are, how can you be kind and compassionate to yourself? It may be that short periods of focus are simply part of your healing process, so can you allow yourself to heal, while noticing what helps you sustain your focus for longer?
Permission & Acceptance
Linda asks what happened that enabled me to start again after being so blocked up, and yes, self-permission and self-acceptance were a big part of it. After all, nothing is possible if we don’t give ourselves permission. And unless we allow our creative efforts to be what they are — even if we don’t like what we create — our tender creative spirits will stay locked up in an attempt to keep us safe.
Now I’ll ask you whether you’ve been denying yourself permission.
It’s not at all unusual for a survivor to deny herself the good life within her grasp. “How can I possibly allow myself to be joyful,” the thinking goes, “when others are suffering, or gone?”
This impulse comes from a good-hearted place, but it’s misguided and unhelpful. Piling your suffering on top of the already existing suffering doesn’t cancel it out; it only creates more suffering. The way to counteract the pain of suffering is to shine your light as brightly as you can, to show yourself and others the goodness that’s possible.
As I’ve written elsewhere, in my years on the planet I have come to the following conclusion:
Creating more suffering in the world by stifling my own joy does not make the world a better place. (Click to tweet this.)
Even though you may not be saving starving children on the other side of the planet, pursuing happiness in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone else is making one tiny part of the world better. (That part being YOU!)
And making one tiny part of the world better creates ripples that affect a much bigger part of the world.
Giving yourself permission to let go and start again could even inspire others to do the same — we just never know how what we do will touch people.
We Are All Always Starting Again
As for how, and to where, this is the question every one of us asks, whether we’re mourning or not. In some way, we are all starting again, whether it’s taking tentative steps toward creating after a long hiatus, or pulling out the 300th new canvas in as many days, or editing that screenplay you now realize isn’t done after all.
Until we learn to fly, one step at a time is all we can ever take. It never seems like it will get us anywhere, but surprisingly, it’s the only thing that ever does.
I think it is the fate of virtually all creatives to be always dissatisfied, whether with the size or intensity of our efforts or the resulting product, but it is this “queer divine dissatisfaction,” as Martha Graham put it so eloquently, “a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
You are alive. Keep marching, step by tiny step, and the path will reveal itself.
I’m cheering you on.
PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!
The Self-Compassionate Way to Change Course & Get Back On Track [Finishing Blitz Post-Mortem]
Back on May 1st I started an experiment, called Finishing Blitz.
Buoyed by the phenomenal success of the Great ClutterBust, in which a whole gang of creatives banded together to tackle our individual clutter problems, I decided to apply the same structure to accomplishing another herculean task: writing my book.
Like the Great ClutterBust, Finishing Blitz, would leverage the accountability of a supportive community.
Like the Great ClutterBust, I would host work sessions where anyone could join me for a pre-determined block of time.
This time, though, instead of rallying together specifically to bust our clutter, we would rally together to work on any goal we wanted. And instead of two or three work sessions a week, I would host daily work sessions. And I would finish a “lousy first draft” of my book!
We ran for six weeks, from May 1 through June 11.
So how did it go? Let’s do a post-mortem!
Here are a few of the things I accomplished, thanks to Finishing Blitz:
- I made great progress on Project Studio Makeover (though did not finish).
- MM and I held a yard sale and got rid of most of Outbound Mountain — the massive pile of stuff which had taken over our living room. (Outbound Mountain [hat tip to fellow Finishing Blitzer, Denice, for this fun name] is not gone, but it’s a much smaller mountain now.)
- I did finish writing all the thank you notes in the queue from our wedding back in December (but then my parents threw a reception for us in the middle of the month, so I’ve got a whole new queue of thank you notes to write….)
- I published an article over at The Huffington Post.
- I published an article over at Lifehack.
- I made over a dozen new paintings, and brought my ArtSpark Newsletter back from hiatus.
- I designed new business cards and had them printed (with a different artwork on the back of each one!)
- I finished drafts of the Intro, the Quick Start Guide, and Chapter 7 of my book.
You’ll notice (ahem) that I did not finish the book.
I did not even come close to finishing.
In fact, if I were to judge myself on the basis of how much of my original goal I accomplished, I’m afraid I wouldn’t get higher than a D-….
However, if I were to judge on the basis of how Finishing Blitz improved my life, I’d give it an A++++++!
As I wrote here and here, committing myself to a daily creative work session was the real gift of this past six weeks. Instead of making me feel chained and constrained, it made me feel free!
Those three hours in the morning became my Date with My Art, something I found myself looking forward to with giddy anticipation.
Amazing.
This was absolutely the biggest gift of Finishing Blitz for me: baking in a daily creative practice.
For the first few days I spent the bulk of each three-hour work session working on my book. It wasn’t always easy — I hit up against all manner of blocks — but I kept reminding myself that a block is not a block to creativity; pushing through the block is the creativity! (Click to tweet this!)
Here’s a secret that only initiates know: putting effort into something is really satisfying! Way more than avoidance, or eating bon bons on the couch in front of the TV. Even on days when I wasn’t super pleased with my writing, the fact that I was making the effort felt so great.
I was on a roll!
And then I changed course.
Yes, about two weeks in, I made the tough decision to change tack.
One of the biggest questions we creators face is where to focus our energies. So often (especially for passion pluralites!!!) we want to do everything, and we want to do it all now. It’s easy to spread ourselves too thin.
Or we find ourselves spending energy on one thing, when we’d be better off in the long run spending that energy on something else entirely.
Oh, it’s hard! Especially when you’ve made a commitment — a public commitment, no less — to work on one thing to completion!
This is where my Golden Formula comes in so handy:
Self-awareness + self-compassion = the key to everything good.
See, for a long time I’ve agonized over where to focus my writing energies: writing more guest blog posts, or writing the book, or…? With some self-awareness, I realized that, while it felt great to focus so much daily attention on my book, in the larger scheme of growing my business, my audience, and my reach, it probably didn’t make sense. A book is probably not going to grow my audience; in fact, given the current state of the publishing industry, an author needs to have an audience before launching a book!
It crystallized for me in a session with my business coach that if I’m going to dive heavily into writing, there is other writing that would get me more “return on investment” right now than my book — guest posting on blogs with larger platforms than my own, for example, which has proven to be the most reliable source of new subscribers to my insiders’ newsletter and other mailing lists.
Still, I had made a public commitment!
So I asked myself, am I considering shifting energy away from my book out of fear or self-doubt? Or is this a truly sensible decision born of my deepest wisdom?
With deep self-compassion, and a somewhat heavy heart, I made the tough decision to shift the bulk of my work session time to other writing, while still “touching the [book] project,” as Jen Louden would say, a little bit every day.
Rather than beating myself up for “failing” at my commitment, I self-compassionately acknowledged that my initial goal was there to assist me, and if another goal would assist me better, then I got to change the goal.
Meanwhile, in the middle of Finishing Blitz I went off to my Create & Incubate Retreat, and reconnected with the joy of painting. I’d fallen out of my daily painting practice, and although I was now writing every day, I was reminded (yay self-awareness!) of how much happier I am when I’m also painting regularly, even just a little bit.
So I adjusted my three-hour work session once again.
Initially I had spent close to three hours working on my book; then I switched to spending maybe fifteen to thirty minutes on the book and the rest of the time working on blog posts. Now I was putting some of that morning work session time toward painting. Sometimes I’d paint first thing; sometimes I’d write first thing.
And painting more felt great!
But writing less felt not-so great…
What I noticed was that whichever choice I made, there were costs and payoffs.
Whatever I started with, it was hard to pull myself away part-way through. And when I did successfully switch focus to something else, along with the satisfaction of touching three different goals (the book, blog posts, painting) came the frustration of not giving any one of these goals as much attention as I really wanted.
Sigh… It’s simply an existential problem. I have no answer, except for the lifelong answer of using my Golden Formula to continually tweak and adjust as I go. Which I will continue to do.
And then Finishing Blitz ended and I fell off the wagon.
Whether because I needed a break, or out of sheer rebelliousness, once I was no longer accountable to anyone to show up at 9:00am, guess what: I didn’t.
I confess I allowed circumstance (“I have so much to do!” “I’m so tired..” “I’m so busy!”) to get in the way, and allowed my beautiful, new, “fully baked-in” creative practice to slide.
But remember, the most important practice is just getting back on the wagon! And doing so with self-compassion. (Click to tweet!)
My Golden Formula came to the rescue again. Everyone stumbles. Beating yourself up doesn’t ever help, but self-awareness and self-compassion do!
Self-awareness tells me that I feel happier and my life goes better when I’m consistent about dedicating my morning hours to creating. And self-awareness also tells me that I am about 5,000 times more likely to stick with my commitment when I am accountable to someone outside of myself.
With those two information points, and the self-compassion to lovingly give myself what I need, I decided to start a pilot program — a secret society and laboratory where grads of Living A Creative Life programs rally together to support each other in achieving our goals. In addition to a private Facebook group, accountability boards, regular rally calls, and optional one-on-ones with me, members get access to my daily morning work sessions.
We use the Golden Formula to tweak and adjust our goals and the tactics we use to make them happen. And we’ll continually tweak and adjust the program to suit the needs of the members!
(Want in on something like this? Hang tight — a few months from now, after the pilot program is over, you may get your chance…)
Guess what? Today I was at my computer at 9:00am sharp!
And guess what? I’m about to fall off the wagon again in a big way, but this time intentionally: tomorrow I leave for Jazz Camp West for nine days! The only writing I’ll be doing is my daily 3×5 (though no posting and no 3x5x365 newsletter until I get home), and I won’t be painting at all — instead I’ll be making music all day long. I can’t wait!
After all, a balanced life includes periods of extreme imbalance. (Click to tweet!)
Starting July 1st, though, it’s back on the wagon.
Onward, ho!
PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!
Growing Into My Writer’s Shoes
Let’s take a trip in the Way-Back Machine, shall we?
Cast your mind back to 1994, back in the dark days before the internet. That was the summer I’d run out of excuses for deciding what to do with my life.
After aborted careers in both dance and academia, I felt hopelessly lost. When my boyfriend and I got engaged in November of ’93, I latched onto our impending nuptials as a seven-month reprieve from having to make a decision about what to do with my life, and threw myself into wedding plans.
But now the wedding was over, and it was time to fish or cut bait.
After halfheartedly looking around for a job in the publishing industry, I realized it wasn’t publishing I was interested in; it was writing. So I decided I’d be a writer.
Somebody had to write those articles for magazines, it occurred to me, so why not me? I’d gotten good grades on my college essays — surely I could write articles!
And it couldn’t be too much of a leap from that to the fiction writing I fantasized myself doing. This should be a snap, right?
Except that it wasn’t. Writing was hard.
Trying to come up with a decent sentence felt like pulling teeth. Fifteen minutes at my Macintosh computer felt like six hours.
It all felt so painfully obvious: Clearly I just wasn’t any good at this thing. Clearly I was not a writer.
So I quit.
Now let’s jump forward to 2010.
Sixteen years after declaring that I was not a writer, I started this blog, and suddenly I couldn’t stop writing.
Aha, I thought. Maybe my massive fail back in ’94 wasn’t because I sucked at writing, but simply because I hadn’t found my genre. Maybe I still sucked at writing fiction, but blogging was my thing! I might not be a writer, but I was a blogger.
Now I know that the only massive fail back in ’94 was my belief that I should quit.
Maybe I was crappy, maybe I wasn’t: the point is that writing is hard. Doing anything well is hard, at least until you get good at it. And getting good at it takes practice.
You’ve got to do it.
What was I thinking, with this notion that I should be instantly good at this thing??
Now, thankfully, I know that producing crappy work is how you learn to produce not-so-crappy work, and eventually even really good work. We need the crap to fertilize the good stuff!! (Click to tweet.)
And now, thankfully, I know that it isn’t other people’s assessment of you that determines whether you’re a writer (or artist, or dancer, or singer, or whatever); if you write (or make art, or dance, or sing), you are one by definition. All you have to do is embrace it.
Twenty years ago I desperately wanted to be a writer. In fact, I already was one; it just took me a decade and a half to understand this.
It’s a Blog Hop!
I’ve been thinking about all of this lately since my friend Suzee asked me to participate in a blog hop, in which writers answer four questions about their process, and invite three fellow bloggers to answer the same questions the following week.
My answers to the questions are below. Next week Lisa Fisher, Laureen Marchand, and Tangerine Meg will join in the fun. You can read their bios and check out their blogs below.
Now on with the questions!
1) What am I working on/writing?
Because I’m a passion pluralite, with irons in lots of creative fires, asking me what I’m working on can open up a very long conversation!
As far as “straight-ahead writing” is concerned, these days my primary focus is writing for my own blog and for other blogs, mostly around topics related to living the creative life of your dreams. In addition, I’ve got a really big goal of finishing my book—really a love letter to the me of twenty years ago, sharing everything I know now and wish I knew then about living a big, bold, creative life. It’s a daunting project, but I make time to “touch the project” (in the words of Jen Louden) at least a little bit every day.
A little bit every day is also my approach with another project I’m in the middle of: 3x5x365. This is a year-long challenge I set myself, to fill a 3×5 card every day to a one-word prompt. I take a picture of the card with my iPhone and post it here.
When I started Project 3x5x365, I had a secret hope that it would turn me into a poet. Alas, this has not happened, though a few of the cards have pleased me. Most of them have not felt so successful, but that was part of my initial goal, too; I wanted to desensitize myself to the terror of sharing stuff that isn’t perfect, and may very well be mediocre or even downright sucky.
After all, we need the crap to fertilize the good stuff!
Honestly, I’ve often felt like quitting, but I’m sticking with it, if only to prove to myself that I can keep a year-long commitment.
In addition to my “straight-ahead writing,” I also write songs, and I started playing around the other day with a new holiday song idea, just for fun. We’ll see where it goes!
Sometimes writing extends to my visual art, as well. I have a daily painting practice, and often incorporate calligraphy into my canvases, or type from my manual typewriter.
My newest creative passion is improv, and though no physical writing takes place when I perform improv, I create scenes and songs on the fly with my fellow improvisers, which is, one could argue, a form of writing. It’s ridiculously challenging and fun, and I’m working on learning to do this better!
2) How does my work/writing differ from others of its genre?
I’m not sure I have enough awareness of my work compared to other people’s work to adequately answer this question. I am conscious of wanting to share “behind the curtain,” as it were—not just the highlight reel, but the messy parts and the mistakes along the way. This kind of transparency is part and parcel of my writing.
Also, I think the very fact of my having so many different creative expressions informs my writing. And of course the uniqueness of my life experience, and my writing voice, makes it different from anything else out there.
Confession: I don’t always like my writing voice.
I often wish I could write like my heroes, but I’ve learned to love my voice even when I don’t like it very much. This is true for all of my creative expressions, and I find the more I’m able to love and embrace my voice in all its imperfection, the easier it is to find things to like about it.
3) Why do I write what I do?
I write in order to clarify my own thinking, and to touch other people.
I’ve learned that making a difference is one of the pillars that my happiness rests on, and writing is one way that I attempt to do that. I want to empower others to feed their own creative hungers, so that they, too, are living lives they love.
I imagine a world in which everyone had the permission and resources to follow the callings inside them. The world would be a more peaceful, joyful place. This vision keeps me going.
4) How does my writing process work?
I used to squeeze my writing in wherever it fit. Often I’d journal in bed in the morning, then dash out a blog post in a mad rush when I realized I hadn’t published one in awhile.
I loved the idea of a regular writing practice, but I just knew I was allergic to schedules, so my practice was pretty haphazard.
Since starting Finishing Blitz, however, I’ve been sticking with a regular morning writing schedule, and I’ve discovered the joys of a consistent daily practice!
The three hours between 9:00am to 12:00pm are cordoned off as my sacred creating time. I dedicate at least fifteen minutes of that time (and often an hour or more) to painting—what I refer to as “playing in the Creative Sandbox”—then I “touch the book” for at least a few minutes, and then I focus on whatever blog post or article I’m working on.
To my great surprise, I’ve found that this daily commitment, rather than making me feel caged, makes me feel free.
I look forward to my three hour creative work sessions with the same kind of giddy anticipation I remember feeling during my single days, when I had a date coming up.
My mornings are my date with my art.
When I’m in the middle of working on a piece of writing, I tend to jump back and forth between drafting and editing. Some people spill out an entire piece and then go back and edit. I’m constantly editing as I go.
I keep my Keys to Creative Flow always in view for when I hit those inevitable blocks, and my Imperfectionist Manifesto helps keep me from dropping into perfectionist paralysis.
I spent too much of my life trying, desperately, to be perfect, which was a losing battle and only succeeded in leaving me feeling perpetually unworthy. Now I find that the more I can allow myself to be imperfect, the more worthy I feel.
This is why I now have no qualms about calling myself a writer, an artist, a singer, a songwriter. When the bar was perfection, those titles were perpetually out of reach. I’m still continually in pursuit of mastery, but thankfully I’ve learned to enjoy the journey along the way.
Check Out My Blogging Buddies:
These women are all amazing. I feel blessed to know them. Check out their blogs and be inspired!
Lynne and Suzee are sisters, the two youngest of five siblings. They share their “art and soul,” creative expressions, personal inspirations, thoughts and dreams at Two Poppies.
Lynne is a mom of four who bounces all over the country with her Air Force pilot hubby. She loves discovering new places to travel and adventure. Capturing real life with her camera (morning walks, road trips, and the baby squirrels they fostered) is her idea of a good time.
Suzee lives in Orange County, California (her entire life!) and has two lovely beach- and animal-loving girls. She is married to her fellow entrepreneurial husband and enjoys being active, creative, adventurous, and living with a sense of curiosity, awe, and wonder.
They combined their talents (bilingual teacher and graphic designer) in a joint venture, Multicultural Kids, where you’ll find all kinds of products that encourage children to discover and appreciate the amazing world and all of its people. They are in the process of producing their first book, A Beautiful Rainbow World, a children’s photography book with photos from around the globe which will be out in June and is available for pre-order.
Lisa Fisher guides human beings from conflict to common ground. A martial artist, she believes that true peace begins with mastering yourself.
Lisa coaches individuals and trains small groups to navigate difficult conversations more skillfully, remain calmer and more focused in tense situations, and manage their emotional hot buttons better. Lisa also works as a private diplomat to help improve ongoing family and business relationships, or to avoid or end litigation.
She speaks at business gatherings, retreats and conferences on how to address conflicts with more respect, confidence and creativity. She writes about peaceful conflict resolution at blackbeltmediation.com.
Laureen Marchand is an artist, the owner of Grasslands Gallery in Val Marie, Saskatchewan, Canada and an artist mentor who helps artists navigate through all kinds of stuckness and find the next direction in their artistic careers. From her home near Grasslands National Park in one of Canada’s most remote and beautiful regions, Laureen brings over 25 years and the experience of dozens of exhibitions to her practice.
Laureen can be found at www.grasslandsgallery.com and www.laureenmarchand.com.
Hi! I’m Tangerine Meg: quirky artist, upside down yogini, wild gardener and more.
My Bold Art invites your Bold Soul to savour the vibrancy and pure delight of every day moments – and to share the joy with your family and friends. Let’s play!
If you’d like a little keepsake, feel welcome to grab my downloadable bookmarks! 🙂
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PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!
How to Achieve the Impossible
Tomorrow I embark on a crazy experiment. Today was a trial run, and I must confess it wasn’t stellar.
That said, when something doesn’t go as smoothly as you like, it can be a terrific learning experience, as long as you keep my Golden Formula in mind:
Self-awareness + self-compassion = the key to everything good. (Click to tweet this.)
If I simply beat myself up for today’s “failure,” nothing would change for the better in my life, and in fact I’d probably quit my crazy experiment altogether. Instead, I used my “failure” as a way to notice what didn’t work and why. As a result, I learned a ton that I can use to do a better job going forward — how awesome is that?
I think you might also glean something valuable from the results of today’s trial, so I’m sharing them here.
First, Some Background.
In a move that honestly scares the stuffing out of me, I’ve committed publicly to write for two hours every morning (except Tuesdays and travel days) for the next six weeks. I’m running a program, Finishing Blitz, to help me keep this commitment, while at the same time helping fellow Finishing Blitzers to keep their own commitments and reach their own goals.
My underlying goal for these six weeks is to finally finish the first draft of my book. My overarching goal is to establish a consistent and sustainable daily writing practice.
Right now my practice is sporadic, at best, and given that approximately 92 1/2% of my work involves writing of some sort (newsletters, sales pages, blog posts, course content, launch content), a consistent practice would be perhaps the kindest, most compassionate gift I could give myself. (Click to tweet this.)
For now, I’m setting my work sessions for 9:00am to 11:00am. Starting tomorrow, anyone in Finishing Blitz can log or dial in to a private hotline promptly at 9:00am PT for a brief check in to share their goal for the two hours. Then we’ll head off to work, and report back at the end of the session.
(Side note: 9:00am-11:00am PT is my designated Finishing Blitz work session time, but it is by no means the required time for other Finishing Blitzers to work. Members can add additional work sessions to our Master Calendar at whatever times work for them, and/or use our private Facebook group to create additional pre-scheduled and spontaneous work sessions with other members. Or simply use our Facebook group or tracking doc to keep themselves accountable.)
This means I am on the hook to be at my computer, ready to write, by 9:00am every day.
Oy vey.
I am not used to this kind of structure in my mornings. Honestly, I’m just a teeny bit terrified-out-of-my-skull that I won’t be able to pull it off.
However; at the same time, I have to remember that I do have a track record of past successes at “impossible” things. For the Great Bedtime Experiment in January of 2012, I managed to break the 2:00am bedtime pattern that was draining me dry, and succeeded in getting to bed by 11:00pm every night. And just this past month, I managed to do the impossible again and clutterbust the Studio of Doom, thanks to the Great ClutterBust.
Both times I was afraid I’d fail. Both times not only did I succeed, but my life transformed in ways I couldn’t have predicted.
That’s what got me thinking: If I could do the impossible by getting to bed earlier and clutterbusting my disaster area of a studio, perhaps I could use the same kind of structure to help me do the impossible in other areas of my life, like, say, writing my book…
So I designed Finishing Blitz as a way of building in external accountability, and surrounding myself with a community of champions, to help me get to “Done!”
So far, members have shared goals of all sorts, such as:
- Varnish the finished artworks which won’t actually be finished — and therefore can’t be shared with the world — until they’re varnished.
- Get my newsletter set up and going!
- Buy the camera and other photo equipment necessary to take good quality photos of artwork.
- Finish up the “UFOs” (UnFinished Objects) that taunt me daily.
- Register the fictitious business name I’ve been procrastinating on doing.
- Set a regular time daily that I’m working, when I’m NOT procrastinating or goofing off.
- Tackle the overwhelming list of to-do items that seem to be holding me back to the past.
- Dedicate a chunk of time in the morning for creative work, and a chunk of time in the afternoon for “drudgery” work that needs to get done.
(Want to join us? Click here to name your own price.)
I figured I ought to try out this 9:00am-at-the-computer-ready-to-go thing once or twice before May 1st… but somehow it never happened, so today was my last shot for a trial run. Here’s what happened.
The Trial Run
Because of a late visit to Ikea with Miracle Man last night to buy a subset of the new furniture I’ve picked out for Project Studio Makeover, I got to bed about an hour later than I wanted… which resulted in waking up about an hour later than I wanted: 7:54am.
My first thought was, “Shoot! I have just an hour to do my morning rituals and get to my computer!”
(Not so good.)
My second thought was, “Hmm… This means I’d better not even think about checking email or Facebook on my phone — I don’t have time!”
(Very, very good! This enforced 9:00am check-in has some distinct benefits!)
Instead, after a brief toilette, I meditated first thing, for 12 minutes while MM (who was also running late this morning) was in the shower.
On a normal day that would have left about 45 minutes for journaling or playing in the Creative Sandbox at my art table, and feeding both my cat, Nika, and myself. Not a generous amount of time for all that, but enough for a little of everything if I were brisk about it.
Today, though, isn’t normal, because we’re dog-sitting for my parents’ German Shepherd, Chloe, this week. Oops… Her breakfast routine is a lot more complicated than Nika’s, and adds several minutes to the mix.
Still, surely I had time for a bit of journaling, I thought, so I wrote til 8:35, which left me a crisp 25 minutes to feed the critters and myself.
I should just say that it probably wasn’t the best decision to cook up pesto quesadillas, when a bowl of muesli would have taken a fraction of the time, but yes, that’s what I did.
All of which meant that when I raced up the stairs to boot up my computer and log into the private hotline/conference room, it was with a plate of half-finished breakfast in my hand, and the first half had been bolted down while standing at the counter. Not ideal…
I did make it into the hotline/conference room exactly at 9:00am, but it took me about ten minutes after that to finish breakfast and actually be ready to start writing.
So yeah, not ideal, but I learned a ton of great stuff! In particular, I learned:
- Having a deadline to get to work really helps keep me on track, and makes me less susceptible to the temptation to fall into the email and internet rat hole!
- I need to allow a lot more than 25 minutes if I’m going to cook breakfast, rather than simply pouring it into a bowl. Say 40-45 minutes, minimum.
- If I have less than 40 minutes, a no-cook, super-quick breakfast is essential!
- Getting up earlier would be better, so getting back on an earlier bedtime schedule (yes, I confess I’ve fallen off the wagon with that) would really, really help me achieve my 9:00am start goal.
I also learned that this “write for two hours” thing, before checking email, before even glancing at Facebook, is brilliant! I wrote and edited almost this entire blog post during that time!
So my trial run might have been stellar in terms of timing, but in terms of what I accomplished with it and learned from it, it was a massive success! If I can stick to this write-for-two-hours-in-the-morning for the duration, I think this is going to be a really awesome six weeks.
Wheeee! Here we go!
If you want to join in for any part of Finishing Blitz, you can do so at the price you decide. Participate for one week, all six weeks, or any portion you wish. You may just accomplish the impossible, and you’ll make some great new friends in the process.
Click here to name your price and register now.
PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!
