Why Sucking At Meditation Rocks

From the archives! I talk about meditation a LOT, so it seemed like this post, originally published on August 2, 2012, was due for re-publication. In Your Big, Bold, Creative Life Academy meditation comes up in almost every class, because it is just such an astonishingly powerful tool to help lean into fear, avoid getting sucked into distractions, practice self-compassion, and so much more! I hope I inspire you to try it yourself, if you aren’t already a meditator. ~Melissa

I am a meditation moron.

I can’t “clear my mind” to save my life. I am the poster child for “monkey mind,” because mine leaps around like it’s pumped up on Red Bulls.

And with “Achiever” as my top strength on the Strengthsfinder 2.0 inventory, the notion of sitting in one place not doing anything makes me want to shoot myself. Or at least scream.

So it is with a certain amount of astonishment that I tell you that despite all of the above, I have come to love meditation.

Yes, you read that right, I, a former Meditation Refusenik, now love meditation. And not only that, although I still have a mind like a monkey, I have become addicted to my daily morning sit.

Whazzat?

I assure you, the above statement comes as much of a surprise to me to write as it may be to you to read.

My Secret

The secret to my meditation success story lies in two discoveries:

1) My discovery of Susan Piver and the Open Heart Project

2) My discovery that sucking at meditation is actually a good thing

It all started back in March, 2012, when I heard a recorded interview that Jennifer Louden did with writer and meditation teacher Susan Piver as part of the TeachNow program I’d joined.

Something about Piver’s way of being resonated with me, so I clicked over to her website, and signed up for her twice-weekly Open Heart Project emails, each of which features a 10-minute instructional meditation video.

Surely I could stomach 10 minutes!

After all, many, many wise people tell of the remarkable, and seemingly limitless benefits of meditation: it helps you lean into uncertainty, it enhances creativity, it decreases stress, it lowers blood pressure…  Jonathan Fields devotes an entire chapter of his book, Uncertainty, to the whys and hows of Attentional Training (of which meditation is one variation).

I’d felt for years like I should be meditating. Maybe, I thought, with Susan Piver virtually holding my hand, I can try this again.

I have had great success taking on time-limited challenges, so I set the month of April as Meditation Month, committing to spend 10 minutes every day with a Susan Piver Open Heart Project meditation video.

Meditation Misconceptions

The first thing I learned from Piver was that meditation is not about clearing thoughts from the mind. In fact, Piver repeats over and over again that on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being a problem, noticing that your mind is wholly absorbed in thought is a zero — totally not a problem.

All you have to do, when you notice your mind absorbed in thought, is to let that thought go. Gently, compassionately, lovingly. Just let it go, like dropping a pebble from your hand, and return your attention to your breath.

Whether this happens once, a few times, or dozens of times in a meditation session is of absolutely no consequence.

Suddenly, instead of an opportunity to beat myself up for “doing it wrong,” my daily 10 minutes with Piver on video became an opportunity to practice self-compassion. Score! (Especially given that self-compassion was my primary theme word for 2012, and is an integral part of my Golden Formula: Self-awareness + self-compassion = the key to everything good. (Click to tweet!))

Neuroscience and Hidden Benefits

Meanwhile, right as I was starting to get into the groove of this new, daily habit, I read The Willpower Instinct, by Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal. An outgrowth of The Science of Willpower, a 10-week course McGonigal teaches through Stanford Continuing Studies, The Willpower Instinct draws on the newest insights in disciplines such as psychology, neuroscience and economics, and provides a clear framework for what willpower really is, how it works, and why it matters.

And how to strengthen it.

It turns out that improving attention and self-control are among meditation’s many benefits, and these benefits start to become noticeable in a remarkably short amount of time. The more one meditates, the greater the benefits, but even for new meditators, according to one study there was a noticeable benefit in just three hours of meditation practice! After just eleven hours, researchers could see increased neural connections between regions of the brain important for staying focused, ignoring distractions, and controlling impulses — definitely skills that all of us can use!

The real kicker, though, the one that sealed the deal on my burgeoning meditation practice, was when I read McGonigal’s proclamation that:

Being bad at meditation is good for self-control.

Huh?

As McGonigal points out, “the truth is that being ‘bad’ at meditation is exactly what makes the practice effective.”

The Real Reason Why Sucking at Meditation Rocks

She writes about Andrew, a 51-year-old electrical engineer, who was convinced (as I had been) that the goal of meditation was to get rid of all thoughts and empty the mind. Frustrated that thoughts kept sneaking in no matter how hard he tried, Andrew was ready to give up, but McGonigal encouraged him to pay attention not just to how well he was focusing during the meditation, but how it was affecting his focus and choices during the rest of the day. She writes:

Andrew found that even when his meditation felt distracted, he was more focused after practicing than if he skipped it. He also realized that what he was doing in meditation was exactly what he needed to do in real life: catch himself moving away from a goal and then point himself back at the goal (in this case, focusing on the breath).

In other words, the “worse” the meditation, the better the practice for real life, as long as you’re able to notice when your mind is wandering.

A Meditation Refusenik Liberated

That was it — reading those words suddenly liberated me from decades of feeling like a meditation moron! Suddenly I could feel 100% good about my daily meditation practice, regardless of how “successful” I feel at focusing on my breath.

Now I rarely miss a day. Not only that, but I find I actually want to — and often do — sit for longer than 10 minutes! Giving myself full permission to “suck” at meditation, and keeping my minimum daily goal to a super-attainable 10 minutes, has enabled me, finally, to shed my Meditation Refusenik label and integrate this transformative practice into my life. Lo and behold, I’m even getting better at focusing on — and returning my focus to — my breath!

I guess I’m becoming less of a meditation moron.

If you’re a meditation moron, check out Susan Piver’s Open Heart Project, and do it from the perspective that sucking at meditation is the best practice ever for real life, and that the more you notice your mind wandering, the more successful your session.

Who knows, you might just end up liking it too.

PS — None of the links in this article are affiliate links, in case you’re wondering. I accrue no benefit from you checking them out, except for the good feeling of knowing I’ve turned you on to a good thing that could change your life.

PPS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!