When you subscribe to my Insiders’ Newsletter, in my first email to you I ask a question, and I really want people to answer it.
I ask, “What’s the biggest challenge getting in the way of your living the full-color creative life of your wildest dreams?”
Not everyone replies, of course, but often people do, and the responses I get make for some great blog and podcast content!
The other day someone named Greg wrote back:
My biggest block is motivation. I have a seriously hard time getting past the idea that I suck.
Greg is not alone! His response is wildly typical.
I sent Greg a reply, and because so many people (including me!) have the same issue, I wanted to share my response here on the podcast and blog.
If you’ve ever struggled with this kind of self-critical thinking yourself, this one is for you!
Ah, the “Everything I Do Sucks” Gremlin. I know it well.
A blood relative of the “Everyone Else’s Stuff Is Better Than Mine” Gremlin (AKA the Comparison Trap, or Compare and Despair Syndrome), and the cause of Perfectionist Paralysis.
It’s what made me quit making art at age 13.
It’s what made me quit making music at age 15.
It’s what made me give up writing at age 27.
All things I now do with great joy!
Too bad I spent decades not creating, bound up in misery, believing that the fact that I sucked meant I should quit!
Seriously. Even if you do suck (which is your subjective opinion, btw, and who are you to say that your opinion that you suck is more valid than someone else’s opinion that you’re awesome?), the only solution to that is to DO THE THING in order to get better at it and unsuck!
Remember, much as we all hate making crap, the fact is that we NEED the crap to fertilize the good stuff! (Click to tweet.)
You have to crawl before you can walk, and you have to fall on your butt a few thousand times to learn how to walk!
We need the crap to fertilize the good stuff!
Seriously, the solution to the “Everything I Do Sucks” Gremlin is simply to allow yourself to make crap. (Click to tweet.)
Yes, I understand that you don’t want to make crap. Nobody does. Shoot, I sure don’t!!!
But that permission is essential.
It’s like getting drinking water from a rusty faucet.
You’re thirsty, so you turn on the taps, but what comes out is brown, funky, disgusting — unfit for human consumption. Blechhh!!
But how do you get a drink? The solution is not to turn the taps OFF! No, you let the faucet RUN.
You let it run for a good, long while, and eventually — voilà! — clear, potable water!
It’s exactly the same with our creativity.
If we never allow the gunky flow to come out, we never get any better!
We NEED the crap to fertilize the good stuff.
Plus remember: just because you ALLOW yourself to create crap doesn’t mean you will. It just means you’ll create! (Click to tweet.)
Now, I understand that allowing yourself to create crap is not something that comes easily for most of us. We’ve trained our entire lives to be good at things, so it goes against everything in us to allow yourself to be bad.
But this part is essential.
If you do not allow yourself to suck, you will never do anything, and you’ll while away your life, longing and wishing, but never actually doing.
Never deriving joy. Never seeing what you might create, if only you’d given yourself a chance.
It’s easier to understand this than to act on it, however.
And the way we learn to allow ourselves to suck is the same way we learn to do anything: practice.
Set the intention that you are stepping in the Creative Sandbox in order to make a mess.
Set the intention to practice forgiving yourself for being human.
Set the intention to not let those self-critical gremlin voices stop you.
Set the intention to treat yourself kindly and gently, to love yourself up, not beat yourself up.
And most importantly, set the intention to keep resetting these intentions!
If you can do this, you will get there eventually. I see this as a life-long practice, but trust me, it’s worth it.
I hope this helps!
For a regular visual reminder to help you keep creating, even if your “Everything I Do Sucks” Gremlins are harping on you, click the button below to download a printable copy of my two manifestos: the Creative Sandbox Manifesto, and the Imperfectionist Manifesto.
Quotes In this Episode
Much as we all hate making crap, the fact is that we NEED the crap to fertilize the good stuff! (Click to tweet.)
The solution to the “Everything I Do Sucks” Gremlin is simply to allow yourself to make crap. (Click to tweet.)
Just because you ALLOW yourself to create crap doesn’t mean you will. It just means you’ll create! (Click to tweet.)
Don’t beat yourself up, LOVE yourself up! (Click to tweet.)
Resources In this Episode
My Stovetop Model of Life Design blog post
Creative Sandbox Manifesto blog post (or listen to this podcast episode, or this LIVE performance)
Imperfectionist Manifesto blog post
Free Manifestos poster (free download!)
Thanks for Listening!
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Now go get creating!
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This post gives me hope! I also quit doing the artsy stuff I loved as a kid when I was a teenager, and it’s my one and only biggest regret in life. I played clarinet and piano until I was 13 or 14, and I quit because I didn’t think I was good enough to make a career out of it. (Also I was starting high school, and my school required anyone in the music program to join marching band, which I HATED and refused to do.)
I bought a keyboard a few years ago and I play occasionally, but I’ve struggled to really re-embrace it. Mostly because after all these years being out of practice, I am most definitely not very good, and I get frustrated. This article is a really helpful reminder that the process is more important than the final product. Even if I sound terrible or I’m just playing songs I know, that is better than doing nothing, and it will definitely lead me SOMEWHERE – even if it’s just to being a slightly less out-of-practice piano player.
Thank you for this!! 🙂
I’m so glad this post gives you hope, Lisa! And I hope you get back to your keyboard.
I stopped playing viola after 10th grade, and when I got back into music in my 30s I could have kicked myself! But you know what? I pulled my viola out some years back and had so much fun re-learning — and was actually astonished at how much I’d retained.
It’s in need of repairs now, but I look forward to getting it fixed and playing around with it again!
Yes, doing something is definitely better than doing nothing!
Hello Melissa,
I’m 62 and have been an artist and writer forever. I’m not crap and don’t fear any of it, but what I do suffer from is the self discipline to do art. I’ve been writing my humungous novel ( a fictional biography of my Calamity Jane type protagonist) on and off for 30 years – I’m a wild west enthusiast (www.kitty-le-roy.co.UK) – since the births of my kids, and I write daft poetry and light hearted anecdotes re/life, from my somewhat eccentric point of view. I’ve also suffered depression/anxiety for those number of years, putting the kibosh on many of my other oodles of interests.
Two years ago I was literally cured with the right treatment (the medication is known as California Rocket Fuel…hurrah!), and today I’m slowly returning to a life that I love. I want a creative life that includes making all kinds of art, in my conservatory/studio, in all kinds of media. I’m currently finishing drawing, in coloured pencil, an eagle in flight for my adult son to turn into a tattoo. I’m quite pleased about that. I’ve also started a sculpture course which I’m loving. One of my many creative problems is trying to make sense of my creative space. Impossible! It’s bulging with stuff. I need to throw out half of it. I also find it hard to sit in my space and produce art. Depression caused that. *Sigh*.
So, yes – I am struggling in the creative area, wanting to do too much all at once. Any ideas? Thanks Melissa.
Jo
UK
I hear you, Jo. I’m so glad that you were able to get treatment to help with your depression, but too much stuff and wanting to do ALL THE THINGS makes it hard for anyone.
I know, because I’m in the same boat!
Re. the stuff, I’ve been getting rid of it over the past couple of years (largely thanks to my Great ClutterBusts!), and that’s been helping a LOT.
Re. all the things I want to do, what I’ve figured out is that I DO get to do everything, just not all at the same time! The important part in that is understanding that choosing one or two FOR NOW does not mean that I’m ditching the rest.
Because here’s the thing: time management is a lie. There is no such thing as TIME management — all “time management” is actually PRIORITIES management.
The hardest thing ever is to prioritize, and yet that’s what we have to do. Over and over and over.
I hate it, but it’s reality. And I find that when I allow myself to CHOOSE something FOR NOW — knowing that I get to choose differently later if I want! — I spin my wheels far less.
If you haven’t already, I recommend this post, which has helped me tremendously with the challenges of being a passion pluralite: https://melissadinwiddie.com/how-your-life-like-stove/
I hope this helps!