overwhelm Archives - Melissa Dinwiddie | Create the Impossible™

August 7, 2011

My Secret to Managing Overwhelm & Getting Creating

I realized a long time ago that the constant feeling of having way too much to do and not enough time to do it is probably never going to go away.

I’ve always felt behind (well, except maybe when I was little kid), and it’s highly likely that I always will feel behind.

But when I look at the reality of my life, there’s been a lot of feelings of urgency, of running up the down escalator. And yet I’ve always managed to get the important stuff done.

In other words, when I stop to look from a place of rationality, the reality is that my feeling of having so much to do and so little time is just that: a feeling.

If I can accept this as benign reality, then every time I have that “Oh-My-God-I-Have-Way-Too-Much-To-Do-And-Not-Enough-Time-To-Do-It!” feeling, I can have a conversation with myself that goes something like this:

Panicky Self: Oh my god, I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it! Ack!

Outside-the-Distress Self: Hmm… I see you’re feeling a bit stressed.

Panicky Self: Um, DUH! Did you not hear that I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it?!

Outside-the-Distress Self: I heard that you are feeling overwhelmed and overstressed.

Panicky Self: Yes! I am!

Outside-the-Distress Self: Well, I certainly understand the feeling. However, I just want to point out that you have had this feeling many, many times before, isn’t that right?

Panicky Self: Yes! All the time! It’s imminent disaster!

Outside-the-Distress Self: Well, let me ask you this. Has the disaster ever actually happened?

Panicky Self: Err.. Um… Well, no.

Outside-the-Distress Self: Exactly. Which leads me to believe that it’s highly unlikely it will happen this time either. N’est-ce pa?

[Author’s Note: the Outside-the-Distress Self seems to have a command of French that I do not. Amazing how that is.]

Panicky Self: Well…

Outside-the-Distress Self: I understand that you feel extremely overwhelmed, overworked and overstressed. I understand that it feels like imminent disaster. But it seems that you pretty much always feel this way – am I right?

Panicky Self: I… Err… YES!

Outside-the-Distress Self: So if you always feel this way, but the “imminent disaster” never actually happens, I wonder if you might be able to entertain the notion that the feeling is just a feeling.

Panicky Self: Just a feeling..?

Outside-the-Distress Self: Yes – so far it hasn’t been attached to any kind of benign reality, right?

Panicky Self: Well, yeah. This is true…

Outside-the-Distress Self: And yet I know the stressed-out, overworked and overwhelmed feeling keeps coming back. I suspect that feeling of imminent disaster will probably always be there, but if you know that it’s just a feeling, maybe you can have a more peaceful coexistence with it. What do you think?

Panicky Self: [Sits down, noticeably more relaxed.] Aaaahhhhh. I feel sooooo much better. Thank you!

In actual fact, my conversation doesn’t last nearly that long. I just remind my Panicky Self that this is just a feeling, that I always have 10 (or 20) things on my “I really want to get this stuff done today” list, when it’s only humanly possible to get 3 done in a day.

And yet, despite being perpetually “behind,” I always manage to get everything done by whatever deadline really counts.

I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn) that an unpleasant feeling is a) not necessarily reality, and b) something I can just notice, and allow to be there while I go on with my life.

The lovely bonus to this is that the more I notice the feeling and allow it to be – without trying to fix it or squash it or change it – the less of a hold it has over me. The more free I feel from it!

The upshot (here’s the rub) is that the more I’m able to be at peace with my feelings of overwhelm, the more space I’m able to create in my life to follow my creative Blisses. Not to mention spend time with the people I love, and take care of my own self-care.

This one little trick allows me to live a much more relaxed existence. And somehow I still manage to get everything done.

I’m curious – does this resonate with you at all? What kind of change would having a conversation like this with your Panicky Self allow in your life? Post your thoughts in the comments below.

xo, Melissa <3

May 1, 2010

Weekly Review #5

Inspired by Havi (because she’s brilliant), and because looking back is a great way to figure out the best way to move forward, I’ve started a ritual of reviewing the week that was: what went well, where it got hard, what to take away, and next steps.

How was your week? Chime in if you like!

—

The real review

(Which is late, because I let other deadlines get in the way.)

Theme of the week: time to reset. Again.

If this week has validated anything, it’s that change is the only constant.

And that includes emotional states.

Which is a very good thing, otherwise I’d still feel stuck, overwhelmed, lost, and somewhat hopeless.

Which is, in fact, how I felt for much of this week. But before I go there, let’s talk about:

What went well

• Mind mapping! I love mind mapping! It helped bust me out of my stuckness. (Note to self: when feeling stuck, make a mind map!)

• I made a video! About mind mapping.

• I was able to remember (mostly) that being stuck is usually the incubation ground for huge leaps and strides forward.

• I let myself cry, cry, cry, and reached out… a little. Which is way better than not at all.

• New ideas in abundance! Excitement! Enthusiasm!

• I overcame my stuckness and signed up for three new courses that I’m excited about.

• Writing for The Dating Queen was fun and flowing.

• A free coaching session with Sinclair, which:

– validated that my vision is “really doable” (so helpful to hear it from someone else!)

– gave me a tool for anchoring myself back to calm

• Girl-talk on Thursday night. (The cure for what ails you in most cases.)

What was hard

• Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, lost and somewhat hopeless about ever getting what I want.

• Getting caught in the Comparison Trap (“Oh, they’re doing what I want to do, and are so successful, and so much younger, therefore I’m a loser.” Um, no. That would be not be a logical conclusion.)

• Feeling like I should follow my Plan B path, because that’s the more sensible thing to do. And feeling bad about myself for not bucking up and just doing it.

• Feeling a little paralyzed about writing here, because suddenly this blog has become more than a diary, and because my readers are not all entirely imaginary, I want my posts to be “high quality.” And then feeling badly that I’m feeling paralyzed, because this blog is first and foremost supposed to be a tool to help me follow my evolving Blisses and create the life I really, really want!

Takeaways

A note from my soul:

Dear Melissa,

This is your soul speaking. Remember me? I’m the one who told you to fly off to New York with two suitcases and audition for Juilliard, even though it meant doing the crazy thing and dropping out of Cal, because dancing was what you really wanted to do.

And several years later, I’m the one who told you not to fill out your PhD applications, because although it seemed like the sensible thing, it wasn’t what you really wanted to do.

Then a few years after that, I’m the one who tempted you away from your sad, frustrated attempts at writing and got you to procrastinate by making art, because that’s what you really wanted to do.

And later, I’m the one who encouraged you to keep making music when the business you created from your art wasn’t letting you express yourself (and feed me) to your satisfaction.

Now I’m telling you that, although I’m very proud of you for creating a business from your art, it’s time for you to refocus and get back to your Blisses.

I know you figured out how to make a living from your art the best way you could at the time, and it was good. It was great. But you get to reach for more, you really do. You don’t have to settle. You know you won’t be happy if you do. You know that unless you go after what you really want, I’ll always be hungry.

I want to gently remind you that you get to go after your true goals, not just your second-best goals. You don’t get to beat yourself up for not following the paths that other people might think you should follow. You get to go after what you really, really want.

Your job on this planet is to be fully yourself, to keep that channel open and follow your evolving Blisses.

Check in with me if your feel confused about this, okay? I am unwavering in my support and will validate you if you just take a moment to ask. We’re in this together!

I love you, and have complete faith in you and your abilities to create exactly what you want.

Love,
Your Soul

And some notes from me:

Yes, I figured out this week that I was indeed feeling pulled to settle. I figured out that the stuckness, the paralysis and overwhelm were at least partly due to the fact that I was in resistance to doing what I felt I should do. Once I let go of feeling like I had to follow the shoulds, some of the overwhelm just dissolved.

Magic!

Serendipity: Chris Guillebeau wrote last week that your backup plan is your plan. As Will Smith put it, “Your Plan B interferes with Plan A.”

Perfect timing.

It took me a week to realize that I was in fact letting Plan B keep me from diving into Plan A, but once I did realize it, something snapped.

If I keep putting energy into Plan B, it’s going to divert energy from Plan A. I have limited energy, and if Plan A is what I really want, then goddammit, just f*cking go for it!

Whew. That’s out of the way.

So. Time to reset. Again.

Next steps and commitments

I will be gentle and forgiving with myself for only posting twice a week (my formal commitment) rather than every day (my informal – and unrealistic – goal).

I will create a new piece of art for my Irresistible Woman line this weekend.

I will allow myself to take things one step at a time, learning from my various teachers at my own pace, and gently steering myself back toward my big goals when I inevitably get diverted.

I will listen to my soul, which has never steered me wrong.

I will have patience.

And I will forgive myself when I don’t.

April 20, 2010

In the Learning-A-New-Thing Discovery Phase

My overwhelming emotional state lately is, well, overwhelm.

Only yesterday it occurred to me why.

I mean, aside from the obvious fact that I have way too much to do and not enough time to do it, and that information is flying at me at a rate that’s way beyond what human beings have evolved to absorb.

Which, of course, makes me no different from everyone else I know.

No, this overwhelm has a different, more manic quality than the day-to-day so-much-to-do-so-little-time variety overwhelm. And when I sat still long enough to get acquainted with my overwhelm and ask it about itself, I finally recognized it.

Because it turns out this particular variety of overwhelm is a familiar state to me. It’s the I’ve-discovered-a-new-passion-and-am-immersing-myself-in-it-in-an-attempt-to-learn-everything-there-is-to-know-about-it-and-preferably-master-it-in-as-little-time-as-possible variety of overwhelm.

My latest Bliss to follow: Blogging

It seems that the world of blogging is my latest passion. I pick up a new Bliss every five or ten years or so, and every time I do, my M.O. is to dive in head-first, and inevitably get re-acquainted with this learning-a-new-thing overwhelm.

I only “discovered” this new creative outlet of blogging a couple of months ago, so although my insides feel like total chaos and like I’m going to explode, in fact it’s just part of my process, and all happening right on schedule.

What a relief to realize!

My Old Friend, The Learning-A-New-Thing Discovery Phase

My first encounter with this variety of overwhelm was when I discovered dance as a teenager. I fell madly, passionately in love, and within a matter of months I was dancing three to six hours a day, every day.

And spending much energy desperately wanting to be instantly really good at it.

And spending much energy lamenting that I wasn’t.

In fact, I did have a natural facility for dance, but unless (perhaps) you’re a born genius (another thing I spent much energy lamenting I wasn’t)(and the very existence of which is debatable, if Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers is to be believed), learning to dance well does not happen overnight.

Like any creative or physical skill, mastering the art of dance is a process that takes years. It’s the accumulation of countless tiny, baby step improvements over time.

Over time.

Years later I went through the same process when learning calligraphy. And later learning to dance salsa (which, it turns out, requires a somewhat different skill set, and has a somewhat different learning curve than modern dance). And later learning to sing jazz.

I have by no means achieved complete mastery of any of these skills, but I have, thankfully, gotten past the manic early phase of trying to eat it all up right now.

Because that’s what it feels like. Vegetarians, forgive the carnivorous simile, but this particular variety of overwhelm feels a lot like trying to eat an elephant in one sitting.

Impossible, of course.

And the key, I’ve found, to getting past the overwhelm is simply accepting this impossibility.

Just floating downstream… without paddling

So today I made a conscious effort to just allow myself to be where I am. To trust that I will learn what I want to know, and develop the skills that I want to develop, all in the fullness of time.

I decided not to read each and every blogging and creativity and build-the-life-of-your-dreams newsletter that I’m subscribed to.

I decided not to try so hard.

I decided to stop paddling for a moment, and just float downstream.

And most of all, I decided to accept and embrace and forgive myself for my sometimes frustrating, somewhat obsessive Renaissance Woman patterns (because, honestly, I think life would be a lot easier if I could just be happy focusing on one thing only, but that just ain’t likely to happen in this lifetime).

Just like every other Bliss I’ve chosen to follow, blogging comes with its own skill set and learning curve. And I get to enjoy exactly where I am right now, while I take those baby steps to move forward.

One.

Step.

At.

Time.