Normally in a post about fear I think I’d be writing about creative fears:
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Fear that makes you resist what you know you want more than anything.
Today, however, I’m dealing with a more visceral kind of fear:
Fear of dying.
That’s at its most extreme, granted. It’s also fear of pain. Fear of maiming.
Fear of something really bad happening.
I think this is a pretty “normal” kind of fear to have when one is about to go into surgery. Most people don’t like the idea of sharp instruments cutting them open, and other sharp instruments sewing things to bones and stuff, which is what is about to happen to my right knee in 2 hours and 20 minutes.
Can I just say, “Ack!”
Okay, I feel a little better now.
I’ve been wanting to share all the cool stuff that’s been going on with the Thriving Artists Project, but the inevitable enforced downtime that this knee surgery is going to, well, enforce on me, meant a lot of scrambling to tie up a lot of loose ends to allow myself some rest.
Rest? What’s that?
Apparently I need something like a dislocated knee to get me to rest for more than a few minutes at time.
So, I sit here with my tensed-up back and neck, waiting out the last few moments before I get picked up to go to the hospital, anxious and scared.
And at the same time, I have to admit, kinda looking forward to my little “break.”
For which, by the way, I’ve packed an entire grocery bag full of library books on happiness (research for my Guide to Happiness e-course); plus my ukulele; a knitting bag with a 15-year-old partially-finished sweater; several journals to write in; and a borrowed laptop.
Someone apparently doesn’t know the meaning of the word “rest.”
I have, however, also packed a few DVDs, and will have minions at my beck and call to fetch me more, should I desire to just be entertained.
It could happen.
So, dear readers, enjoy your weekend. I’ll do my best to enjoy mine (thank GOD for pain meds!)
And next week I promise to share the latest exciting news about the Thriving Artists Project, which is charging ahead at full speed!