prioritizing Archives - Melissa Dinwiddie | Create the Impossible™

January 29, 2012

January Review: 1 down, 11 to go

If January is any indicator, this year is going to whiz by. It feels like I just made my first #12in12 commitment, and boom — we’re at the end of the month!

To recap, inspired by this post by Jacqueline, I’ve committed to taking on a new challenge every month of this year. It may be a goal I’d like to integrate as a permanent habit, or it may be something I’m trying out just for the month.

Either way, you’re invited to join me!

For January, I took on two big commitments, one very publicly, and one which started as a stealth challenge, and then later became public.

Let’s review!

Commitment 1: The Great Bedtime Experiment

My challenge was to get to bed every night this month by 11pm. Lights out.

Given that my previous M.O. was 2am (or later), this represented a pretty radical behavior change. Honestly, I was not sure I could do it. I’d tried — and failed — to move my bedtime up many times in the past, and knew that this could be just one more failure in my logbook.

So, how’s it going?

I’m truly delighted to report that the Great Bedtime Experiment is going glowingly! It has had, however, some rather surprising results!

Unexpected Results: Increased Stress!

I was surprised and rather amused that the first few days of the GBE actually increased my stress level.

Huh?

Previously, if I didn’t finish everything on my to-do list, I’d just stay up later. There seemed to be no real “end” to my day. Of course I’d always get to bed eventually, but my perception of my day was that it was kind of limitless.

Not done? Just keep working!

This vicious cycle kept me up late most nights, which left me wrecked the next day, which was, of course, the big impetus to try a new, more self-compassionate way.

Now that I “had” to get to bed by 11pm, suddenly my work days had a “hard end” to them. I couldn’t just keep going like the Energizer Bunny, and that knowledge stressed me the hell out for a few days. All day long I’d be anxiously watching the clock, knowing I had to get X, Y and Z done, and myself into bed, by 11:00.

But of course it was just a head game. The reality is, I never got everything on my list done, no matter how late I stayed up. Now I was just more conscious of prioritizing. More mindful of having to let stuff go for now.

That unexpected rise in anxiety only lasted a few days, as I mentioned, and then I experienced an energetic shift that felt quite easy and natural. I actually took to the new regime quite happily, which was something of a surprise since previous attempts at earlier bedtimes had always resulted in such dismal failure.

Anticipated Results: Better Prioritizing!

Several times in the past 4 weeks (practically daily, in fact), I’ve had to let go of something I’d wanted to get done because it was time to shut down. Without the Great Bedtime Experiment commitment, I would have kept going — and suffered for it the next day. Instead, I was able to see that all that suffering simply wasn’t worth it. Very few things, it turns out, are really that urgent, no matter how much they might feel like they are.

(Granted, I didn’t have any major product launches or big client deadlines — thank god — so my resolve has not yet been tested as strongly as it might have been… and probably will be at some point…)

Blog post not done? ArtSpark* not loaded and scheduled? You know what, that sucks, and it’s definitely not good to not maintain consistency, but I made the decision that my priority is health and sanity — I’m on the Way of the Peaceful Entrepreneur, after all. Nobody was gonna die (always the ultimate gauge of relative importance), so I went to bed.

And life went on.

Lo and behold, with a “hard end” to my day, my ability to prioritize has (largely) gotten better! And my ability to just let stuff go altogether is improving too, which is, of course, part of my ultimate goal of living a more humane, Self-Compassionate life.

So yay me!

Anticipated Results: Melissa Pushes the Limits!

I confess I have (not surprisingly) learned exactly how far I can push the end of my day and still follow the letter (if not the spirit) of the “law.” I originally set my ideal computer shut-down time as 9:30, or 10:00pm at the latest. That allows for a gentle, meandering wind-down, plenty of time to do my getting-ready-for-bed ritual and toilet (said in a French accent) in a relaxing manner. Even engage in some pillow talk with lights out well before 11:00, and sleep soon thereafter.

More common lately, I’ll confess, is a rushed 10:30 (or later!) shut-down, which has me racing to beat the clock into bed and still fussing with my iPhone after I’ve achieved a “technical” lights-out (but not devices out).

Yeah, skirting the rules, for sure, and I know it! I’m thinking it would be a good idea to set my Mac to automatically shut down at 10:15, or even 10:00, instead of 10:30. (Turns out the Mac gives you a 9 minute grace period. And fyi, it isn’t truly an auto shut down, because most of the programs I run have to be manually quit out of, otherwise they’ll prevent the computer from shutting down.)

So, I’ve learned (or relearned what I already knew) that I’ll push the limits. Better, then, to hem those limits in a bit, I think…

Other results: No Cures, but Improved Quality of Life Nonetheless

Though I was hoping the Great Bedtime Experiment would cure my tendency toward insomnia and migraines, I’ve had no such luck. It doesn’t seem to have affected them one way or another. But, on a positive note, the insomniac attacks have not left me as utterly destroyed as in the past. I’m still exhausted and tired, but before the GBE I was wrecked. And virtually guaranteed a migraine sometime during the week.

Now, even if I’m awake for 4 hours in the middle of the night, the very fact that I got to bed earlier in the first place has established a foundation of sleep that my body likes much, much better. Tired, yes; utterly destroyed, no.

So that’s an improvement.

The Upshot

I LOVE this new way of being (which, by the way, is also helping me open up to taking time for R&R in other ways — a good thing!), and fully intend to continue with my 11pm lights-out general rule going forward.

Commitment 2: Daily Clutter-Busting

Tackling my long-held clutter issue started as a stealth commitment. I decided to try out doing one thing to bust clutter every day, and just see how it went. No need, I figured, to broadcast to the world that oy vey I would really like to clear up my clutter problem!!!

So I’d do it quietly.

I’ve tried similar projects in the past, but never managed to keep it up. This time, though, my persistence has been nothing short of miraculous.

What helped?

First, rather than set a daily time commitment (ie, 15 minutes a day), I made my commitment to “do one thing.” Sometimes my “thing” was tiny, like sorting and filing all the papers in a small pile, and sometimes it was more dramatic, like purging an entire drawer or cupboard, but making the discrete commitment requirement open-ended like this seems to work better for me.

I also intentionally made my clutter-busting commitment just for the month of January. I will absolutely be re-upping at the end of the month (and I expect to do so every month throughout the year), but rather than making my initial commitment indefinite (which makes it feel overwhelming, annoying and downright painful), I’m taking it one month at a time (which makes it feel more like a fun game!)

Meanwhile, once I’d had a week or so of experiencing some real positive change, I decided to pull out another tool that I know from experience is always helpful for me: the power of community.

Let me back up for a moment and say that several months ago I thought of leveraging my ultimate success — complete with Before and After pics — into some kind of paid program (the ability to turn my personal projects into a way to help other people and earn some income always being a positive incentive, after all!) But there was a problem with this idea. I couldn’t possibly lead some sort of home/studio beautification project (I thought) if my own space were a chaotic mess! I needed to achieve, if not perfection, at least massive improvement (I thought) before I could even consider it. And since that felt impossibly far off, the whole thing was a bust.

For some reason, though, I was able at the start of this year to break out of my in-the-box thinking. Thankfully, it occurred to me that (duh) I don’t actually have to be a model of perfection in order to be an effective leader!

In fact, my leadership style has never been one of “I have all my shit together, so follow me,” but more of “I’m trying out doing this interesting thing, wanna join me?”

I knew from experience that my Playshop format of checking in via phone/Skype/web conferencing, then working individually, then checking in again, really does make a difference — Playshoppers have told me as much, and I know there’ve been times when the only thing that got me to do a designated task was the very fact that I was on a call with other people who had set aside the time for that very thing.

Why not, I thought, create a similar group for busting clutter?

ClutterBusters was born.

Currently still a pilot program, I’ve been leading two clutter-busting sessions a week — Mondays at 5pm PST and Fridays at 10am PST — plus there’s a private Facebook group just for ClutterBusters. The pictures here show you some of what I’ve personally accomplished, and the success stories from the members of the pilot program have been so inspiring!

Under-sink cabinet before ClutterBusters

(Want in? There will be a membership fee at some point, probably in the next month or two, but you’re welcome to join the pilot program now for free if you want — click here for more info.)

What’s up for February?

Now that January is almost at an end, it’s time to set my #12in12 commitment for February! I’ll be continuing with the Great Bedtime Experiment, and with daily clutter-busting (yay ClutterBusters!). To that I’m adding a new commitment I actually started this week: to write a minimum of 750 words a day on the book I’m working on. (More on that later. For now, suffice it to say that my first ebook, Creating Happiness: 9 Essential Secrets for Creative People (and Everyone Else) is in the final edits and slated to come out via aspindle.com in the middle of February, and I’m now working on a new book.)

I’m also toying with the idea of restricting my time on email to twice a day.

Which honestly makes me break out into a cold sweat.

Which makes me think I really need to try it.

What do you think?

Wanna join me with a month of daily commitment? Have you made any interesting changes so far this year? What challenge will you be taking on in February?

xo, Melissa <3
PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

*As part of practicing Self-Compassion, and in keeping with my Stovetop model of life design for Passion Pluralites, the ArtSpark is currently on vacation while I work on my book. Time to rotate the pots on the stove, in other words. I reserve the right to make art any time I damn well please, of course, but my daily commitment to playing in the “Creative Sandbox” is now a commitment to writing, rather than splashing paint and ink around. If you’re a blog subscriber and/or ArtSpark subscriber, I will, of course, keep you posted when the ArtSpark returns from its travels! (I’d actually like to know where it’s headed — maybe Istanbul? — but it’s been mum on the subject.)

June 12, 2011

Why You Must Say No to What You WANT to Do (plus More on WDS)

Have I flipped my lid? Did I, Melissa Dinwiddie, Inspirationalist and Avid Encourager of Following Your Evolving Bliss(es) just tell you to say no to what you want to do?

No, and yes, in that order. And here’s why.

Yesterday, my parents treated me and my sweetie to tickets to The Steins Collect at SFMOMA, a glorious exhibition of art collected by Gertrude Stein, her brothers Leo and Michael, and Michael’s wife, Sarah. There were dozens of works by Matisse, Picasso, Paul Cézanne, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, and many others, plus family photos, furniture from their residences, and more.

It was a fascinating and inspiring collection, giving me new insight into the birth of Modern Art, and new appreciation for Picasso (whom, I must admit, I’ve been loathe to like, knowing what an abusive, sexist a-hole he was to the women in his life).

Honestly, I could go on and on about the exhibit, which was big enough that I felt like it went on and on. By the end I was so saturated with images and information that I simply could not absorb anymore. I was done. And my knee, still not totally healed 6 months post surgery, was done too.

Our little party convened at the delightful Caffè Museo for lunch, where we were joined by my friend Fawn.

And here’s where the saying no thing comes into play.

Mom, Pop and Aunt Nancy were all headed over to the Contemporary Jewish Museum (which is showcasing its own Stein exhibit right now), and had plans to go to yet another museum after that.

Meanwhile, Fawn was going straight to the New Taste Marketplace for some homemade pie by 3141Pie (she had fresh local strawberries on a preserved Meyer lemon crème pâtissière, in case you’re wondering).

My sweetie and I were invited to all of it. Did I want to go too?

You bet I did!

But I was fully cooked already. Underslept and oversaturated, with a very sore knee, and lots of important stuff-to-do waiting for me at home.

My sweetie was fully cooked too. So, much as it pained me to do so, I said no.

The importance of saying no to want you WANT to do

Saying no is hard enough when it’s something you don’t want to do. Too many of us get sucked into a pattern of over-committing, because we want to be of service, because we don’t want to make someone feel bad, because we feel like we have to.

Once you learn to value yourself, though, saying no to these kinds of things gets easier. Maybe not easy, but easier.

The real challenge is learning how to say no to the things you really want to do.

The goal, of course, is to say yes to what you really want to do, but most of us are fortunate enough to have many more things to choose from than we actually have time – or selves – to do. And there’s the rub.

The solution?

Figure out what you most want to do – what is your truest, deepest “yes” at any given time? Anything else that might interfere with that “yes,” must get a “no.”

This is hard!

I know it’s hard. Don’t shoot the messenger, ‘kay? But seriously, you’ll thank me later if you learn to do it.

Learn to prune the good in favor of the great.

I’ve been doing that in all sorts of places in my life, and though it never gets easier, it really does pay off.

A few weeks ago, for example, I made the very tough decision to resign from my post as owner/curator of 365 Days of Genius. It’s a wonderful project, one that I stand behind 100%. It involves things I really like to do (turns out I’m a really good editor – who knew?) It’s part of a larger network designed and organized by the brilliant Heather Claus, who has turned the 365 Days of… endeavor into an amazing crucible of learning and growth for everyone involved.

But is it my “Best”? Does it make use of what Danielle LaPorte would call one of my “most precious gifts,” and what Laura Roeder would refer to as my “genius zone?”

When I forced myself to look at it honestly, I had to admit that the answer to the above questions was No. I was spending a lot of time on something that was someone else’s genius zone, but not mine. (Seriously, if you’re passionate about creativity, innovation and genius in all its manifestations – or actually any other topic – and if you have time in your own life to run a really fun website with the support of an amazing, passionate group of people, get in touch with Heather.)

So, much as it pained me, I resigned. I said no to something I wanted to do, to make room for stuff I wanted even more. I pruned the good in favor of the great.

Where, in your own life, can you do some pruning? I’ll bet you’ve got some extra branches that are blocking the light, or just weighing you down, that could use a good trim. My challenge to you is to notice where and what those branches are, and go at them with those proverbial pruning shears.

Then share your triumphs in the comments below, because your example may just inspire someone else to prune their own good in favor of their great.

Meanwhile….

Aaaaaaand, more on WDS

I’ve known for years that I’m attracted to emotionally intense experiences. I’ve never had the need for speed, and as a junkie I’ll take sugar over adrenaline any day, thank you very much – no bungie-jumping or stock car racing for this girl – but intensity where emotions are involved? Sign me up!

To wit: I make space just about every year for a 5-day retreat with the Friends of Calligraphy, an 8-day immersion in jazz in a summer camp setting at Jazz Camp West, and a week-long immersion in acoustic music at California Coast Music Camp. These are sacred blocks of time in my year, islands of focus, as it were, that remind me of the importance of my Blisses, and help propel me through the rest of the year.

I can live without these sacred pilgrimages, but I’ve learned that if I do skip a year, I lose out on much more than the 5- or 8-day experience. The rest of my year feels… impoverished.

This year marked the addition of a new annual pilgrimage, now engraved permanently on my calendar: the World Domination Summit, which I reported in my last post earlier this week.

As with my other sacred time blocks, or with any intense experience, really, there’s processing to do long after the event itself. I expect my pages of notes from the conference to inspire my writing for some time to come, but in the meantime, if you want a view through the window at WDS, I highly recommend the following links.

This list is by no means exhaustive! There were 500+ attendees at WDS, the vast majority of whom have blogs. A web search will probably land you hundreds of report-backs. The links below are merely ones I read and enjoyed, that gave a perspective on the weekend that shone a new light on the experience for me.

• • • • •

Here’s a picture of me by Karen Walrond of Chookooloonks, who wrapped up the conference on the first day with a vivid, inspiring presentation and won a new fan in me (and no doubt hundreds of others!)

Some more pictures of WDS by Karen.

Three of the beautiful faces behind WDS, and a beautiful recap from Karen’s perspective after just one day at the conference, in which she compares WDS to other conferences she’s been to in the following way:

For example, BlogHer feels a bit like the (rather rowdy) class reunion of a very large, women-only university. Mom 2.0 Summit feels like the quieter class reunion of a smaller, liberal arts college. Blogalicious, the class reunion of graduates from a women’s college who all became C-level executives. ALT Summit feels like what I imagine a survey course at an exclusive design school must feel like. SXSW is just an out-of-control, insane hipster party. EVO is good, wholesome, clean fun. Note, by the way, that none of these impressions should be interpreted as a negative in any form — each conference has “scratched an itch that needed scratching,” to put it somewhat crudely, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time at all of them.

And Karen’s take on the World Domination Summit?

…the overwhelming impression I got from every person I met, without exception, was:
These people are kind.

Read Linda Esposito’s therapist’s perspective here.

And Dagmar Øye, the green Mad Hatter-hatted Mentalectrician’s post here.

Andy Hayes writes: It was about a tribe of awake, open, like-minded people ready to change their own little part of the world.

Here’s what Chris himself had to say, Heart Attack of Awesome post.

Caleb Wojcik writes on Pocket Changed about why you have to be at WDS next year.

You MUST see writer & creativity coach Cynthia Morris‘s illustrated WDS journal.

And you also MUST see artist/designer Sophia Daly’s gorgeous sketchbook journal from WDS. (Many oohs and aahs over the luscious lettering from these quarters! Calligraphers’ paradise!)

Read writer, muse and catalyst Shanna Trenholm’s take here.

And the lovely Rachel W. Cole referred to WDS here as:

like a high school reunion meets a job interview meets speed dating meets a house party meets TED.