June 1, 2014

Growing Into My Writer’s Shoes

Let’s take a trip in the Way-Back Machine, shall we?

Cast your mind back to 1994, back in the dark days before the internet. That was the summer I’d run out of excuses for deciding what to do with my life.

After aborted careers in both dance and academia, I felt hopelessly lost. When my boyfriend and I got engaged in November of ’93, I latched onto our impending nuptials as a seven-month reprieve from having to make a decision about what to do with my life, and threw myself into wedding plans.

But now the wedding was over, and it was time to fish or cut bait.

After halfheartedly looking around for a job in the publishing industry, I realized it wasn’t publishing I was interested in; it was writing. So I decided I’d be a writer.

Somebody had to write those articles for magazines, it occurred to me, so why not me? I’d gotten good grades on my college essays — surely I could write articles!

And it couldn’t be too much of a leap from that to the fiction writing I fantasized myself doing. This should be a snap, right?

Except that it wasn’t. Writing was hard.

Trying to come up with a decent sentence felt like pulling teeth. Fifteen minutes at my Macintosh computer felt like six hours.

It all felt so painfully obvious: Clearly I just wasn’t any good at this thing. Clearly I was not a writer.

So I quit.

Now let’s jump forward to 2010.

Sixteen years after declaring that I was not a writer, I started this blog, and suddenly I couldn’t stop writing.

Aha, I thought. Maybe my massive fail back in ’94 wasn’t because I sucked at writing, but simply because I hadn’t found my genre. Maybe I still sucked at writing fiction, but blogging was my thing! I might not be a writer, but I was a blogger.

Now I know that the only massive fail back in ’94 was my belief that I should quit.

Maybe I was crappy, maybe I wasn’t: the point is that writing is hard. Doing anything well is hard, at least until you get good at it. And getting good at it takes practice.

You’ve got to do it.

What was I thinking, with this notion that I should be instantly good at this thing??

Now, thankfully, I know that producing crappy work is how you learn to produce not-so-crappy work, and eventually even really good work. We need the crap to fertilize the good stuff!! (Click to tweet.)

And now, thankfully, I know that it isn’t other people’s assessment of you that determines whether you’re a writer (or artist, or dancer, or singer, or whatever); if you write (or make art, or dance, or sing), you are one by definition. All you have to do is embrace it.

Twenty years ago I desperately wanted to be a writer. In fact, I already was one; it just took me a decade and a half to understand this.

It’s a Blog Hop!

I’ve been thinking about all of this lately since my friend Suzee asked me to participate in a blog hop, in which writers answer four questions about their process, and invite three fellow bloggers to answer the same questions the following week.

My answers to the questions are below. Next week Lisa Fisher, Laureen Marchand, and Tangerine Meg will join in the fun. You can read their bios and check out their blogs below.

Now on with the questions!

1) What am I working on/writing?

Because I’m a passion pluralite, with irons in lots of creative fires, asking me what I’m working on can open up a very long conversation!

As far as “straight-ahead writing” is concerned, these days my primary focus is writing for my own blog and for other blogs, mostly around topics related to living the creative life of your dreams. In addition, I’ve got a really big goal of finishing my book—really a love letter to the me of twenty years ago, sharing everything I know now and wish I knew then about living a big, bold, creative life. It’s a daunting project, but I make time to “touch the project” (in the words of Jen Louden) at least a little bit every day.

A little bit every day is also my approach with another project I’m in the middle of: 3x5x365. This is a year-long challenge I set myself, to fill a 3×5 card every day to a one-word prompt. I take a picture of the card with my iPhone and post it here.

When I started Project 3x5x365, I had a secret hope that it would turn me into a poet. Alas, this has not happened, though a few of the cards have pleased me. Most of them have not felt so successful, but that was part of my initial goal, too; I wanted to desensitize myself to the terror of sharing stuff that isn’t perfect, and may very well be mediocre or even downright sucky.

After all, we need the crap to fertilize the good stuff!

Honestly, I’ve often felt like quitting, but I’m sticking with it, if only to prove to myself that I can keep a year-long commitment.

In addition to my “straight-ahead writing,” I also write songs, and I started playing around the other day with a new holiday song idea, just for fun. We’ll see where it goes!

Sometimes writing extends to my visual art, as well. I have a daily painting practice, and often incorporate calligraphy into my canvases, or type from my manual typewriter.

My newest creative passion is improv, and though no physical writing takes place when I perform improv, I create scenes and songs on the fly with my fellow improvisers, which is, one could argue, a form of writing. It’s ridiculously challenging and fun, and I’m working on learning to do this better!

2) How does my work/writing differ from others of its genre?

I’m not sure I have enough awareness of my work compared to other people’s work to adequately answer this question. I am conscious of wanting to share “behind the curtain,” as it were—not just the highlight reel, but the messy parts and the mistakes along the way. This kind of transparency is part and parcel of my writing.

Also, I think the very fact of my having so many different creative expressions informs my writing. And of course the uniqueness of my life experience, and my writing voice, makes it different from anything else out there.

Confession: I don’t always like my writing voice.

I often wish I could write like my heroes, but I’ve learned to love my voice even when I don’t like it very much. This is true for all of my creative expressions, and I find the more I’m able to love and embrace my voice in all its imperfection, the easier it is to find things to like about it.

3) Why do I write what I do?

I write in order to clarify my own thinking, and to touch other people.

I’ve learned that making a difference is one of the pillars that my happiness rests on, and writing is one way that I attempt to do that. I want to empower others to feed their own creative hungers, so that they, too, are living lives they love.

I imagine a world in which everyone had the permission and resources to follow the callings inside them. The world would be a more peaceful, joyful place. This vision keeps me going.

4) How does my writing process work?

I used to squeeze my writing in wherever it fit. Often I’d journal in bed in the morning, then dash out a blog post in a mad rush when I realized I hadn’t published one in awhile.

I loved the idea of a regular writing practice, but I just knew I was allergic to schedules, so my practice was pretty haphazard.

Since starting Finishing Blitz, however, I’ve been sticking with a regular morning writing schedule, and I’ve discovered the joys of a consistent daily practice!

The three hours between 9:00am to 12:00pm are cordoned off as my sacred creating time. I dedicate at least fifteen minutes of that time (and often an hour or more) to painting—what I refer to as “playing in the Creative Sandbox”—then I “touch the book” for at least a few minutes, and then I focus on whatever blog post or article I’m working on.

To my great surprise, I’ve found that this daily commitment, rather than making me feel caged, makes me feel free.

I look forward to my three hour creative work sessions with the same kind of giddy anticipation I remember feeling during my single days, when I had a date coming up.

My mornings are my date with my art.

When I’m in the middle of working on a piece of writing, I tend to jump back and forth between drafting and editing. Some people spill out an entire piece and then go back and edit. I’m constantly editing as I go.

I keep my Keys to Creative Flow always in view for when I hit those inevitable blocks, and my Imperfectionist Manifesto helps keep me from dropping into perfectionist paralysis.

I spent too much of my life trying, desperately, to be perfect, which was a losing battle and only succeeded in leaving me feeling perpetually unworthy. Now I find that the more I can allow myself to be imperfect, the more worthy I feel.

This is why I now have no qualms about calling myself a writer, an artist, a singer, a songwriter. When the bar was perfection, those titles were perpetually out of reach. I’m still continually in pursuit of mastery, but thankfully I’ve learned to enjoy the journey along the way.

Check Out My Blogging Buddies:

These women are all amazing. I feel blessed to know them. Check out their blogs and be inspired!

Lynne and Suzee are sisters, the two youngest of five siblings. They share their “art and soul,” creative expressions, personal inspirations, thoughts and dreams at Two Poppies.

Lynne is a mom of four who bounces all over the country with her Air Force pilot hubby. She loves discovering new places to travel and adventure. Capturing real life with her camera (morning walks, road trips, and the baby squirrels they fostered) is her idea of a good time.

Suzee lives in Orange County, California (her entire life!) and has two lovely beach- and animal-loving girls. She is married to her fellow entrepreneurial husband and enjoys being active, creative, adventurous, and living with a sense of curiosity, awe, and wonder.

They combined their talents (bilingual teacher and graphic designer) in a joint venture, Multicultural Kids, where you’ll find all kinds of products that encourage children to discover and appreciate the amazing world and all of its people. They are in the process of producing their first book, A Beautiful Rainbow World, a children’s photography book with photos from around the globe which will be out in June and is available for pre-order.

Lisa Fisher guides human beings from conflict to common ground. A martial artist, she believes that true peace begins with mastering yourself.

Lisa coaches individuals and trains small groups to navigate difficult conversations more skillfully, remain calmer and more focused in tense situations, and manage their emotional hot buttons better. Lisa also works as a private diplomat to help improve ongoing family and business relationships, or to avoid or end litigation.

She speaks at business gatherings, retreats and conferences on how to address conflicts with more respect, confidence and creativity. She writes about peaceful conflict resolution at blackbeltmediation.com.

Laureen Marchand is an artist, the owner of Grasslands Gallery in Val Marie, Saskatchewan, Canada and an artist mentor who helps artists navigate through all kinds of stuckness and find the next direction in their artistic careers. From her home near Grasslands National Park in one of Canada’s most remote and beautiful regions, Laureen brings over 25 years and the experience of dozens of exhibitions to her practice.

Laureen can be found at www.grasslandsgallery.com and www.laureenmarchand.com.

Hi! I’m Tangerine Meg: quirky artist, upside down yogini, wild gardener and more.

My Bold Art invites your Bold Soul to savour the vibrancy and pure delight of every day moments – and to share the joy with your family and friends. Let’s play!

If you’d like a little keepsake, feel welcome to grab my downloadable bookmarks! 🙂

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PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

April 25, 2013

Your Bliss is your responsibility—don’t shut it off!

Every so often I dig into the Living A Creative Life archives, and pull out a classic article that feels worthy of reposting. This is one such Living A Creative Life Classic, originally published on May 6, 2010. Enjoy, and let me know your thoughts! ~M

When I got divorced, one of the things that got me out of bed in the morning was knowing that tonight (or the next night, or the next) I was going out dancing.

Dance was my first love. I’d been on a career track as a modern dancer, and only stopped when forced by an injury (a good thing in the end, but that’s another story). Now, years later, even though I could have physically handled going out dancing, I never did while I was married.

Why? Because my husband didn’t like to dance. And because he was so jealous it didn’t even enter my mind to go out alone.

A big, important part of myself, one of my core Blisses, was effectively cut off for years.

And it was 100% my own fault.

The truth is each of us is 100% responsible for our own happiness, and I didn’t have to let my husband’s jealousy and lack of interest determine my choices. It felt like I had no choice, but in fact that was just me playing the victim and not taking responsibility.

When I finally “rediscovered” dance during my divorce, I was insanely grateful to “get dance back,” and insanely annoyed with myself for ever letting someone else’s preferences dictate my choices.

I swore I’d never do the same thing again.

Yet in my last relationship I did just that. You’d think over a decade of personal growth would have made a difference, but no.

This time the Bliss in question was music, singing jazz to be exact, and before I met my ex, my habit was to get out to a jam session or two at least every week or so, where I could get a microphone in my hand. But during the year-plus of my last relationship, I only went to jam sessions a handful times.

Why? Not because my ex forbade me from going, but simply because he didn’t like jazz, and wasn’t willing to learn to like it. So I was left with the choice of either following my Bliss, or spending time with him.

Now, I’d worked long and hard to find this relationship (57 dates in a 2 1/2 year period, in fact). I thought this man was my life partner, and our relationship was a huge priority in my life. Plus I just plain liked spending time with him! Then there was the fact that, unlike my ex-husband, he did go out dancing with me, even subjected himself to the sometimes excruciating challenge of learning Argentine Tango so that we could dance together.

The man was clearly willing, just not when it came to jazz. (Did I mention he also left the room when I played guitar? You’d think that would have been a clue…)

At the time, my choice to spend time with him rather than following my Bliss seemed tolerable. Now I’m not so sure.

Think about it: much as we don’t like to believe this, relationships come and go. Blisses endure. Perhaps the fact that this man couldn’t muster up enthusiasm for my Bliss was a clue that it wasn’t going to be a good match for the long term.

Are there people in your life who are less than supportive of you following your Bliss? Take a good, hard look. Are those relationships really going to serve you in the end? If there’s a niggling voice somewhere inside, you might want to pay attention to it.

I’m not telling you to break up with someone, but I am telling you, as one who knows, that cutting off an important part of your creative self is not the route to happiness.

You are 100% responsible. Seeking happiness is your birthright, and your Blisses are key to that happiness. Don’t you deserve to have people around you who will support you in your efforts to follow your evolving Bliss?

You bet you do. Don’t settle for less.

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

November 29, 2011

How To Buy Happiness

“What?” you may be thinking. “Has Melissa flipped her lid? Everyone knows you can’t buy happiness!”

Ah, but they’re wrong. You can buy happiness. Just not in the way you probably think.

Read on…

True, accumulating stuff is not the route to happiness — I’ll be the first to grant that. But money can, indeed contribute to happiness.

And yes, I submit that actually spending money can lead to happiness.

I’m not just talking about the “indulge in a modest splurge” recommendation that Gretchen Rubin makes in her best-selling book, The Happiness Project, either. My $10 OXO grater gives me a sparkly moment of happiness every time I use it, but that’s not the kind of happiness I mean.

I mean an overall sense of well-being. A baseline of “happy,” as opposed to a baseline of “meh” or even worse, a baseline of “low-grade misery.”

That’s the kind of happiness I’m talking about, and yes, you can buy it.

(With some caveats.)

Here’s the thing: as I’m writing about in my upcoming e-book, one of the keys to happiness for Creatives (and for everyone, really) is do the things that make you happy (which for Creatives, would obviously include doing their creative thing(s)).

Pretty (ahem) obvious, right?

Except the problem is, a lot of people don’t do the things that make them happy. Resistance gets in the way, and they just never make the time.

(I’m not going to go into why they don’t make the time in this particular post, but given that getting people doing their creative thing is pretty much my biggest passion in life (along with doing my own creative things, of course), you can rest assured it’s a pretty hot topic in these here parts, so poke around, or just stay tuned, and I guarantee you’ll hear more from me on the subject.)

What if, though, you could buy something that would help you do the thing that makes you happy?

Voilá! You just bought yourself some happiness, darlin’!

Of course, there’s a caveat:

Just buying the thing is not enough. You actually have to use it too.

Thought experiment: Say you’re passionate about, oh, golf (ex-husband, anyone?). You’ve played a bit, and you like the idea of playing more, so you buy yourself a fancy set of golf clubs.

Which spend the next several years gathering dust and cobwebs in the garage.

That, my friend, is not going to cut it (as my ex-husband would probably be the first to tell you).

Golf clubs represented the kind of life my ex wished he had, as a person who ~~had the time~~ made the time to play golf. But owning the clubs did not transform him into someone who made time to do things like play golf.

What my ex-husband really needed was transformation. Stuff (in the form of golf clubs) was not enough.

Same thing with the expensive mountain bike, 20-foot sail boat, and vintage Porsche. But I digress.

Now imagine if my ex-husband took the money he’d spent on those golf clubs and invested it instead in lessons from a golf pro. And imagine that he actually scheduled and took those lessons.

With one swipe of his credit card (and granted, some wrangling of his calendar), he just transformed himself from Someone Who Wishes He Did Fun Things Like Play Golf [whether or not YOU think golf qualifies as a Fun Thing is beside the point; bear with me here] into Someone Who Actually Plays Golf.

(Okay, he’d still have to rent or buy some clubs, so he couldn’t take all the money he’d spent on the original set of clubs, but hopefully you can see where I’m going with this.)

Money buys transformation, which buys happiness.

In short, buying stuff: not enough.

Buying transformation, though, that’s da bomb.

It’s sure worked in my own life. When I wanted to transform from a Person Who Doesn’t Know How To Do Calligraphy into a Calligrapher, I spent my money on as many classes, workshops, conferences, and books I could get ahold of, and dove into them like my life depended on it.

I also bought enough tools and materials to stock a good-sized walk-in refrigerator. And some of them I needed, to be sure, in order to master my craft. But the tools alone, without the inspiration and motivation to use them, might as well have been locked away permanently in that proverbial walk-in refrigerator.

The classes and workshops and conferences and books inspired and motivated me to keep at it. (Plus they were just plain fun along the way!) They were the catalyst I needed to transform myself. And that transformation — especially the process of transformation; the pursuit of mastery more so even than the achievement of it — made me very happy indeed.

Money bought transformation, which bought happiness.

When I wanted to transform myself from a Person Who Doesn’t Know How To Sing Jazz into a Jazz Singer, I spent my money on classes and CDs and concerts and music camps and nights at the local open mike to hone my craft. Which were fun and wonderful in and of themselves, AND they inspired a transformation that made me very happy.

Money bought transformation, which bought happiness.

When I wanted to bring my great passion for inspiring others to the world in a way that would nourish my audience and myself, I spent my money on seminars and classes and workshops and e-books and membership sites that helped me pursue mastery in all the various and sundry tools and knowledge I’d need to realize my vision.

All of which have helped transform me from a Person With A Vision But No Clear Path To Realizing It into a Creative Thought Leader Building A Following And Making My Mark On The World. Which, in turn, has made me very happy.

Money bought transformation, which bought happiness.

Of course, I’m still very much a work in progress in each of the above examples (and believe me, there are plenty more where those came from). But the operative word here is progress. And spending money on all of the above helped me make some in a big way.

And yeah, if I’d bought all those courses and camps and conferences and stuff and hadn’t invested myself in any of them, no amount of money would have helped. So money alone still isn’t the answer.

But used wisely, it can be part of the answer. If you buy something, and you use it, and that helps you do the thing that lights your fire and makes you feel alive, that, I daresay, is money well-spent!

Which is something to consider as we launch ever deeper into holiday spending madness.

Tell me, have you ever bought transformation? What have you spent money on that made you happy?

Aaaaaand, if you’re looking for inspiration and transformation, I may have just what you need. Visit the recently re-stocked “Get Fired Up” Shop, or just scroll down for a list of inspirational and transformational goodies I’m pleased and proud to be offering right now.

xo, Melissa <3

PS – Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

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Buy Yer Happiness Here!

In order of most time-sensitive, here’s what I got that you might want to get your paws on:

Ready to get fired up? Are you dying to do that creative thing you’ve been so hungry to do for oh, so long, but feeling a little stuck? You don’t have to try to do it alone! I created the Creative Ignition Club just for you, and other Creatives just like you. It’s a creative recharge, creative toolbox, and creative support community all in one.

All memberships come with my 30-day kick-start, the Creative Ignition Kit, and memberships of 3 months or longer also get my Playshop-In-A-Box for free ($37 value).

Click to join now — Early-Bird Holiday Special pricing ends Friday!

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The Day of Genius (link opens in new window) is a day-long virtual retreat, co-produced by Michelle Nickolaisen of Let’s Radiate, to help you shake off holiday stress and get your New Year off to the right start. Focus on you, clarify your true values, create heart-centered goals, establish habits that stick, all in a relaxed, supportive environment. You get a full day of live, streaming video AND recordings of all seminars to review on your own time, whether or not you’re able to attend live. Plus workbooks, worksheets, and the opportunity for individual coaching / “hot-seating.”

Oh, and buy a premium ticket and you get a 1-month membership in the Creative Ignition Club for free! (Plus some other cool bonuses.)

Click to get your ticket now — Early-Bird Special pricing ends Friday!

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Personally, I don’t care if you want to make money from your art or not. My biggest passion is just to get you doing your creative thing. You might never want to sell it, and that’s cool.

But I’m also passionate about deprogramming the “starving artist” myth that keeps so many artists from achieving the kind of success they deserve. If you do have a dream of earning a real income from your art, ArtEmpowers.Me, the online course and membership site I co-created with Cory Huff of the Abundant Artist, will teach you how.

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Playshop-In-A-Box includes all the content from the live telephone Playshop (Playshop!) I offered last September. Treat yourself to some time to play and make art. It’s like a spiritual bubble-bath! Includes 6 tutorial videos, the 90-minute Playshop mp3, and the opportunity to show your stuff right here on the blog if you like.

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Stuff! Yes, indeed! I don’t just have digital goodies — I’ve got your 3D stuff right here.

But inspirational stuff. A real book (like with paper and everything), beautifully-printed in full color, with 100 original artworks from my 2011 ArtSpark newsletter, to inspire you to get cracking doing your creative thing.

Click here or on the image to preview the entire book.

Use the code HOLIDAY to get 15% off your order, or get 20% off any two books with the code GIVEGIFTS, through Nov. 30.

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Want more? Check out the “Get Fired Up” Shop.

October 16, 2011

9 Steps to Living a More Abundant Life Right Now

Do you sometimes feel like something’s missing in life? Do you wish your life had less busyness and stress, and more balance, fun and ease?

A truly abundant life is not something you have to wait to achieve. Even if your circumstances aren’t exactly as you want them, there are some pretty easy things you can do to increase your level of happiness and fun, right now. And who doesn’t want that?

My scarcity mindset

For a long time now, the operative word to describe my own life has been overwhelm. No time for anything but work. No money for anything but necessities.

At least that’s the story I told myself.

The truth is, I was living with a scarcity mindset, and that’s no way to live.

I love working hard, and paying down debt is a top priority for me, but if the overall goal is happiness, a more humane, balanced approach is essential.

I do make time for creative pursuits, but that alone didn’t lead to the abundant feelings I was craving. Cramming 15 minutes of creative time into an already packed day is a good step, but it wasn’t enough for me. I knew I was driving myself into the ground, and I knew it would lead to no good if I didn’t make a change.

I’d been getting messages for awhile that I had to bring more balance and humanity to my life. I know from experience that the Universe has a way of whacking you upside the head with a 2×4 if you don’t pay attention to subtler messages.

So let it be stated for the record that I AM PAYING ATTENTION.

I’ve been focused lately on treating myself more humanely, and I’ve figured out some pretty simple, small changes that together are making a big difference. Perhaps they’ll make a big difference for you, too.

Here are 9 steps I’ve been taking to live a more abundant life right now.

1) Lower expectations to realistic levels

Turns out Passion Pluralites (otherwise known as Scanners, Renaissance Souls, Multi-passionates, etc.) are notorious for overestimating how much we can get done in a day or a weekend.

Guilty as charged!

When planning out my day, I’d invariably make a list that would be physically impossible for even Superman to accomplish.

Then I’d beat myself up for not getting more done.

Can you say “unrealistic expectations?”

It has taken awhile to accept that my super-human expectations are actually that – super-human – and adjust accordingly. And I won’t say that I’ve perfected this new outlook. But I will say that the adjustments I’ve been able to make so far have dramatically improved my quality of life.

Instead of just throwing 20 items on today’s to-do list, I’ll ask myself what actually needs to get done, and what I can realistically accomplish, and go from there.

It may sound kinda obvious, but wow, what a difference!

2) Make those expectations visible

It wasn’t until I had a Make Your Work Flow session with organization whiz Michelle Nickolaisen that I realized my system of keeping track of tasks and projects – my to-do list – was actually feeding my scarcity mindset!

How?

I use a great little digital tool called Things to log and manage projects and tasks, both on my Mac and now also as an app on my iPhone. Having a central location to put everything – from tasks I need to get done today or this week, to projects I’m brewing up for next year – has been a boon for my sense of control over the chaos.

However, I’d fallen into the habit of dropping every new item in the “Today” box. So every time I looked at my to-do list for today I saw a bottomless pit of tasks.

This does not make for a sense of serenity and abundance!

I now use other “boxes” within Things to hold everything but a few items, and keep my Today box just for those things I really expect to be able to get to today.

I no longer see a string of “tasks I’ve failed to complete” staring me in the face, and it’s amazing how much less urgent this little change has made me feel!

3) Create margins throughout the day

An ex of mine, quoting a writer I can’t remember, liked to talk about having “wide margins to his day.” My life for too long has felt like a page with tiny writing crammed up to the very edges.

No space to breathe or rest.

For someone like me, who likes having several balls in the air at all times, the temptation to fill every moment with productivity (or at least the feeling thereof) is very strong. But without some margins, we go a little nutty, and lose out on overall productivity to boot.

One way I’m working on living more abundantly is taking more of my weekend as an actual weekend (as opposed to more time to work!) But I’ve found other, smaller ways to build margins into my life on a daily basis. And these small changes add up.

Ever eager to get more stuff done, my usual habit is to pack in “just one more thing” before I hop in the car to get somewhere. Which all too frequently results in my being late and having to rush like a maniac to get wherever I’m going on time.

Then, when I’m in the car, I’ve gotten into the nasty habit of checking my email/Twitter/Facebook/chat messages at every stoplight. (Exactly what I feared would happen if I got an iPhone, and part of why I put it off for so long!)

I felt mildly guilty about this behavior, but it wasn’t until I signed up for Susan Falcone’s wonderful Clearing the Chaos class and she shone a light on the “checking your smart phone at the stoplight” syndrome that I really thought about its affect on me.

Now I’m working on being more conscious about when I really have to leave to get to appointments, and stopping whatever I’m doing before then. And not trying to cram in “just one more thing.”

I’m also practicing just sitting at stoplights (can you imagine?). I even drive without the radio on sometimes, allowing myself to fill with quiet.

I’m not in my car a lot, honestly, but taking the few moments when I am as an opportunity to breathe has been a big contributor to my feeling less harried and more abundant.

4) Build in space for people

There have been some particularly stressed-out periods in my life when I would habitually beg off dates with friends, feeling like I “couldn’t afford” the time away from work.

I still have occasional periods when deadlines loom and I’m forced to work more than normal. But I’ve learned that prioritizing connections with people who are important to me is critical to my happiness and sense of abundance, so I do my best to make time.

Even when I’m busy.

My latest abundance addition is creating a weekly “Date Night” with my sweetie. I literally shut down my computer (so I don’t get sucked back on for “just one more thing” that turns into 2 or 3 hours before bedtime!) and spend the entire evening with him. Heaven!

The work always gets done, and I’m always happier in the long run to have passed the time with people I care about.

5) Build in space for your passions

The first time Susan, my life coach, asked me why I wanted to get back into making art regularly, I got a far-away look in my eyes and said “Because my whole day goes better!”

Hmmm… That’s a pretty good argument for make the space in my life for making art, right?

Whatever your passion is, you’ve got to make space for it in your life on a regular basis.

As a confirmed Passion Pluralite, making art is just one of my many passions. Folks like me, with many interests, have the extra challenge of having to make the time for multiple pursuits.

Sometimes I manage to make music, make art and write all on the same day, and those days are especially delightful.

But sometimes I have to let certain passions simmer on the back burner (or even wait in the refrigerator), while I crank up the heat on the pots on the front of the stove.

I’ve learned that this is okay. That I’ll get to the other pots when the time is right.

The important thing is that I’m always cooking on something.

Sometimes (okay, frequently) I’m frustrated that I don’t get as much time as I want. But as long I make some time – even just 15 minutes – to pursue my creative passions, I keep my toe in the creative stream, which for me is one of the most essential elements of an abundant life.

6) Build in space for play and down time

I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of a “Go, Go, Go!” kind of person. Naps? Time to play? Kitchen experiments?

Ha!

Anything that isn’t directly related to getting me closer to my goals tends to get left in the dust.

But of course, the Universe finds a way to force down time on you if you don’t take it yourself, so better to pre-empt it.

And the truth is, I just feel more abundant when I take time to catch up on sleep. Or play catch. Or try out that soup recipe I’ve been drooling over. Incorporating plenty of “chill time” is a much more humane way to live.

7) Find exercise you love to do (and do it)

Okay, I know you’ve heard this one a zillion times. But the fact is, bodies are made to move. And when your body feels strong and powerful, you just feel more abundant. Period.

Personally, I’m not big on going to the gym. But I love yoga. And I love to walk. And I recently discovered that I love to throw the football around with my sweetie (who knew?)

I look forward to doing these things, which means I actually do them. And when I’m consistent about doing them regularly, I feel awesome.

8) Buy some happiness

In her year-long project and book, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin discovered that although money can’t buy happiness all on its own, it can contribute to happiness.

My big money priority these days is paying down my mountain of debt, and that has a way of making me very tight-fisted. I’m a fan of frugality, but I’m also a fan of using money to create abundance. And sometimes the smallest of purchases can make you ridiculously happy.

Consider the OXO microplane grater my sweetie and I got the other day at a kitchen store. I’d been wanting one for the longest time, and now, for just $10, I get a daily grin of delight when I smoothly grate slivers of parmesan cheese on my salad or pasta.

$10 for potentially years of daily bites of happiness.

Today, at the Pacific International Quilt Festival, I treated myself to a jangly bracelet made of shell buttons for only $8. Wearing it makes me feel abundant.

9) Indulge in a little vanity

(This one is actually a sub-category of #7 above.) For years I avoided buying new clothes. I told myself I couldn’t afford the cost, or the time to go shopping.

With half my wardrobe falling apart, and the other half not quite fitting me anymore – either physically (ahem..) or style-wise – I gradually found myself wearing pretty much the same yoga pants and ratty sweater every day.

This does not for a sense of abundance make!

Recently, I discovered the joys of thrifting. Yes, it required an investment of time, and some money too. (Though probably 1/30th of what I would have paid in a retail store. I mean seriously – 12 items for $44? That’s freakin’ inSANE!) Plus I scored some way-more-interesting items than I would have been able to find (or afford) at the shopping center!

All of which make me feel great when I wear them.

Now when I wake up in the morning I actually have a choice of what to wear, all items I look forward to putting on.

You heard it from me: a closet full of comfortable clothes that make you feel attractive is a huge contributor to a general feeling of abundance.

—

So there you have it – 9 steps to living a more abundant life right now. I don’t claim that taking these steps is going to eliminate all stress, or that crunch times will magically disappear.

What I can say, though, is that since I’ve started consciously putting effort into living more humanely, I’ve felt significantly more relaxed, happier, and yes, more abundant.

Tell me: have you tried any of these tips yourself? Do you have other abundance techniques that have worked for you? Share your thoughts in the comments.

xo, Melissa <3

PS – Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

October 13, 2011

Impact? Or Balance? And is that even the question?

It’s the ever-present dilemma (or at least it’s seemed that way in my life): happiness or greatness?

Is it better to sacrifice balance (ie, health, relationships, simple pleasures, sanity…) in order to achieve greatness and make an enormous impact?

Or to send out smaller ripples, maybe even pass into obscurity, but live a humane, balanced life?

And is that even the question?

The recent death of Steve Jobs, whose life and work impacted the entire planet, has me waxing philosophical.

Oh, and btw, yes, the video is longer than usual today, but part of that is due to a musical surprise starting at 6:28. Hint, hint.

Tell me: what would you choose, worldwide impact, or a softer existence? Or do you think they’re even mutually exclusive? Share your thoughts in the comments.

xo, Melissa <3

PS – Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

Now let’s jump forward to 2010.

It’s a Blog Hop!

1) What am I working on/writing?

2) How does my work/writing differ from others of its genre?

3) Why do I write what I do?

4) How does my writing process work?

Check Out My Blogging Buddies:

And yes, I submit that actually spending money can lead to happiness.

Just buying the thing is not enough. You actually have to use it too.

Money buys transformation, which buys happiness.

Money bought transformation, which bought happiness.

Money bought transformation, which bought happiness.

Money bought transformation, which bought happiness.

Buy Yer Happiness Here!

My scarcity mindset

1) Lower expectations to realistic levels

2) Make those expectations visible

3) Create margins throughout the day

4) Build in space for people

5) Build in space for your passions

6) Build in space for play and down time

7) Find exercise you love to do (and do it)

8) Buy some happiness

9) Indulge in a little vanity

And is that even the question?

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