Melissa's Journal Archives - Page 4 of 11 - Melissa Dinwiddie | Create the Impossible™

September 25, 2013

Tested by the Universe & the Golden Formula Strikes Again!

Have you ever noticed that when you finally commit to making a big change the Universe throws a test your way?

You’re finally ready to start fixing some broken pattern in your life, and it’s as if the Universe says, “Oh, yeah? Are you sure you’re ready? Prove it!”

That’s exactly what happened to me last week.

I’ve been fed up with feeling drained and exhausted and thick-headed so much of the time, and when I discovered that there might be a name for what I was experiencing — adrenal fatigue — and a path back to my fully energetic self, I was finally ready to make some much-needed shifts.

In addition to eliminating foods I’ve tested sensitive to (amaranth, kidney beans, all cruciferous veggies, eggs, wheat, yeast) and kicking my coffee-as-migraine-miracle-drug habit (coffee being a killer on the adrenals), I looked at my rushrushrush, workaholic tendencies, and committed to making the following changes to my lifestyle:

Getting myself to bed earlier (Even earlier than in my Great Bedtime Experiment! Target: in bed by 10:00pm and on my way toward sleep by 10:30pm)
Shutting off the computer by 8:00pm
Slowing down and planning ahead, so I’m not always cramming in “just one more thing”… and then running late and rushing as a result

The first few days were surprisingly easy. It felt great to be treating myself so much better, and I was sleeping better — and feeling more rested from my sleep — than I had in recent memory.

Then the test came.

GAaahHh! Deadlines!

Weekend after next I’m speaking at Patti Digh’s Design Your Life Camp in Buford, Georgia. As a Spark! Session presenter, I have seven minutes and 28 slides to share my message (title: 10 Rules that Kickstarted My Creativity (with Ukulele)), and the PowerPoint was due at 2:00pm PT last Friday.

I’d asked for an extension, but was denied, so 2:00pm Friday was a hard deadline.

That deadline was just enough to throw off the delicate balance of my filled-to-the-gills workload, and all my good intentions came crashing down.

Shutting down the computer by 8:00pm? Getting to bed by 10:00 — or even 10:00ish? Even 11:00ish? Even 12:00ish??

Um, yeah, not so much.

It was like a second blooming for all my old, workaholic tendencies. Even getting myself to yoga on time was a joke, as I found myself falling into old patterns and racing to the studio in a mad dash.

Argh.

An Excuse, or an Opportunity?

One of my favorite sayings is:

The most important practice is just getting back on the wagon. (Click to tweet this!)

As it happens, that saying is part of my Spark! Session. As I also say in my presentation:

Falling off the wagon is not an excuse to beat yourself up. It’s an opportunity to practice my Golden Formula:

Self-awareness + self-compassion = the key to everything good. (Click to tweet this!)

So I took a page from my own book, and reminded myself that I’m human. I’m going to stumble. Rewiring new habits is not going to happen overnight.

Rather than flagellating myself, or giving up, or both, I followed my Golden Formula; I gave myself a big hug and climbed back up on the wagon.

It was remarkably easy.

Not that fixing my un-useful habits was easy — that part’s hard. No doubt this is the work of a lifetime.

But climbing back on the wagon, when you treat yourself with love and kindness, feels, well, easy!

No big deal. No need to lament and lambaste. Just take a fresh start.

You always get to take a fresh start.

Try it. You might like it.

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

September 15, 2013

Adrenal Fatigue: Sludge, Science, and Hope

This week I’m grateful for newfound hope.

People comment a lot about my “amazing energy,” and yes, I do have a lot of energy, but the truth is, for a long time I’ve also suffered from unexplained, sporadic and persistent fatigue. Many mornings I wake up feeling beyond exhausted, almost as if I hadn’t slept at all, even after eight or nine hours.

An extreme sleepiness sometimes clings all day long, but sleeping more doesn’t help.

And it’s not just sleepiness; it’s a weird, thick feeling in my head and eyes that’s hard to describe.

I call it my “sludgy” feeling.

This has been a random, sporadic issue in my life since I had a bad case of “first year blues” the year I taught nursery school when I was 23. I caught every bug the kids brought in that year, and was sick so much that I developed an autoimmune disorder.

Gradually my health improved, and over the years, as I realized my self-concept was stuck on “weak and sickly,” I intentionally busted that self-installed glass ceiling and replaced it with a self-concept of “strong, healthy and energetic.”

But there were still those occasional “sludgy” days, which, mysteriously, have seemed to become more common lately.

It was seriously distressing.

Was I just getting old? Or was I harboring some terrible disease? Or…?

(These are the kinds of corners my mind gets stuck in late at night…)

Why I’m hopeful this week is that I just discovered that my symptoms may have a name — adrenal fatigue — and more importantly, a cure.

I’ve been reading the book Adrenal Fatigue, by James L. Wilson, ND, DC, PhD, and am finally motivated to make some de-stressing/quality-of-life lifestyle changes that I’ve known were needed, but haven’t had the commitment to follow through on until now…

…like getting back to an earlier bedtime schedule (goal: to be in bed and headed toward sleep by 10:30)

…and getting off my computer at night

…and planning ahead better, so I’m not always rushrushrushing when I go somewhere (guilty as charged…)

(It kind of tickles me that the written exercises that Dr. Wilson recommends in order to suss out what needs to change in your life are pretty similar to some of the worksheets I use in workshops and with clients. Coach, heal thyself! ;))

Oh, Yeah… Science!

I also remembered (doh!) that I’d had an Elisa food sensitivity blood test back in 2004 (I can’t remember exactly why)… which I’d promptly filed away and forgotten about.

I dug it up a few days ago and discovered — whoah! — that I’ve been practically OD’ing on some of the foods that my blood serum reacted to.

The bad news: the broccoli pancakes that have been a staple for MB and me for months are out! Turns out I’m sensitive to broccoli (and all cruciferous veggies, in fact), and egg, and wheat.

!!!

And yeast. And I seriously love my breadstuffs….

(I also tested sensitive to cow’s milk and goat’s milk — but miraculously NOT to hard cheeses, praised be! — and brewer’s yeast. Plus, rather randomly, amaranth, kidney beans, and lamb.)

Sheesh! No wonder my system’s been out of whack!

I’ve been overloading my body with foods that trigger an immune reaction!

Not to mention my tendency to overwork myself… (Ahem…)

The good news: the last couple of days, since avoiding the fourteen foods I tested as sensitive to, I’ve definitely felt better. Not 100%, mind you, not even close, but better. Enough to notice a real difference.

And as my ex-boyfriend (the one before MB) used to say, “Better is better!”

This could, of course, be a coincidence. But I’m hopeful that with my new diet and lifestyle changes I’ll be back to my regular, full-energy self eventually.

Support In Becoming a Well-Nourished Woman

My recent discoveries could not be more serendipitous, because on Tuesday I start Sue Ann Gleason’s Well-Nourished Woman Inner Circle.

Sue Ann is a culinary nutritionist and nourishment counselor, and I’m sure she’ll have lots of wisdom to share about how to regain my full health and energy.

(If you’re a subscriber to my insiders’ newsletter, watch your inbox for a way to join me in Sue Ann’s program for a special insiders’-only price — today only.)

I’m very glad I’ll have a supportive community to share my experiences in, because not everyone I’ve talked to about adrenal fatigue is very receptive or supportive. The medical industry, chained as it is to the insurance industry and Big Pharma, does not give credence to the idea that adrenal fatigue is an actual thing.

“It’s all in your head,” is a common retort from patients seeking help from their regular doctors. That and a prescription for antidepressants.

WTF?

Sigh… Well, I’ve had decades of experience with alternative modalities, when “traditional western medicine” has failed me in the past. I’m learning who I can talk to about such things, and who is better for me to keep mum about adrenal fatigue with.

Whatever issue you’re struggling with in your life, it always behooves you to identify true allies, and those whom you’d think would be supportive, but for whatever reason are more likely to undermine you in your quest.

Surround yourself with the former, and be very, very careful among the latter (avoid entirely if necessary).

That’s what I’m doing.

Meanwhile, I downloaded an app to help me track my symptoms, and everything I put in my mouth, to see if I can suss out some patterns.

And I’m finally feeling hopeful about this sludgy thing.

Life is good.

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

August 21, 2013

A Change of Scene, a Cure for Amnesia, and Clutterbusting Magic

Sometimes all you need is a change of scene. MB and I got just that last weekend on a trip to Seattle to visit his family.

When we planned the trip a few months back I knew I’d have a good time (it helps when you really like your significant other’s family), but I didn’t expect to come home so inspired to create! Much to my delight, my mind is abuzz with ideas for getting myself back in the creative sandbox with my art-making.

See, I’d kind of fallen out of the creative sandbox for awhile, at least with my visual art.

Over the past year and a half, I’ve been more focused on writing, and art has taken a back seat.

Or I should say, the back burner. As a dyed-in-the-wool passion pluralite (aka multi-passionate, multipotentialite, Renaissance soul), I never focus on one thing exclusively. I expect to rotate my creative pots around my stovetop.

After years of trying to cram my square passion pluralite peg into a round specialist hole, I’ve learned to accept and embrace that focusing on one thing is simply not how I’m wired.

I’ve learned to give myself full permission to follow whichever creative muse is calling me. Which means also giving myself full permission to not follow all my other muses at any given moment (because if there’s one thing passion pluralites need to learn, it’s that you do get to do everything, just not all at the same time.)

And yet… Despite the permission to not make art, I’ve still felt a sense of vague dissatisfaction that I haven’t been making much with my hands. Oh, I’ve sat down at my drafting table here and there, but I haven’t had that eagerness and curiosity that I look for when I’m creating.

The truth was, I was bored with making ArtSparks. I’d fallen into a rut and I hadn’t yet discovered what I wanted to make instead.

A Case of Persistent Amnesia

One of my Rules for the Creative Sandbox is “If you don’t know where to start, start anywhere,” and I often preach that it’s not thinking and intellectualizing that leads to creativity, you’ve got to do something. And yet pulling out my papers, brushes and paints, doing something, still wasn’t doing it for me.

This past weekend showed me that — doh! — I left something rather crucial out of my creative sandbox rules: the importance of filling the well.

Oh, yeah! I seem to be perpetually amnesiac about that…

Apparently I’m not the only one. Creativity maven Julia Cameron says that the Artist Date, one of the staples of her creativity course and best-selling book, The Artist’s Way, is the thing that generates the most resistance in people.

Although our trip to Seattle wasn’t technically an Artist Date, since according to Cameron’s requirements one needs to be alone on an Artist Date and I was surrounded by other people all weekend, it accomplished the same purpose: filling my well.

As I said, sometimes all you need is a change of scene.

The beauty of the Pacific Northwest is inspiring all on its own, but against that backdrop there were a couple of unexpected highlights: the Ballard farmer’s market, and empty-handed visits to two yarn shops.

Read on for two slices of my Seattle weekend…

A Doggie Photo Shoot at the Farmer’s Market

Note to self: next time you’re feeling uninspired, head to a farmer’s market!

And be sure to bring your iPhone camera. Even if you have nothing to draw or write with, if you’ve got a smartphone there’s a creative play device always in your pocket.

I’ve never thought of myself as much of a photographer, but my iPhone makes it easy to play and zero pressure (no film to worry about wasting). The filters and cropping in Instagram make it extra fun — a perfect creative sandbox tool. Even those of us with no “professional” aspirations can feed our creative hungers with snapshots, and the farmer’s market offers a luscious palette to play with.

You’ll find fruits, veggies and flowers galore…

And naturally, you’ll also find lots of street musicians…

But if you’re at the Ballard farmer’s market in Seattle, the real treasure trove is the dogs. Seattle is a dog-watching paradise!

At the Ballard market, these signs are everywhere:

And the dogs, oh, the dogs! Wiener dogs…

Cute little dogs…

And big dogs…

The sweetest pit bull you ever did see …

(Here she is in close-up…)

And tail-waggy, blue-ribbon mutt dogs…

Fast-moving dogs who won’t stand still for their portrait shoot…

And of course, at least one happy corgi!

Furry fun!

The Yarn Shops’ Lack = My Gain

My other well-filling escapade in Seattle also had to do with fur… sort of. Of the sheep and llama variety, plus all sorts of plant “furs.”

In grad school, I spent more time knitting than I did studying, but it had been ages since I’d been in a really nice knitting store. MB’s sister-in-law took me and MB’s mom to two really high-end shops this weekend, and I was in heaven!

(I only wish I’d thought to take more pictures, but I was so busy caressing the glorious yarns, it didn’t occur to me until afterwards… oh, well. Next time…)

I absolutely fell in love with two scarves and was sorely tempted to buy the yarn to make them, but in the end it was probably a good thing that the skeins I wanted were out of stock. Let’s face it — I already have more yarn than I’ll probably ever use, and much as I would love wearing the scarves, is knitting a scarf really how I want to spend my limited time right now?

Um, probably not…

(Remember what I said about passion pluralites getting to do everything, just not all at the same time? Prioritizing is perhaps a passion pluralite’s greatest challenge, but I’m getting better at it!)

Although the yarn store excursions may not have filled my yarn coffers, they absolutely filled my well. Not only were the colors and textures a visual and tactile feast, but I came home revved up with creative sandbox ideas.

All that yarn in my hope chest? All those UFO’s* in my closet? All of a sudden I’m afire to incorporate them into my artwork.

Here’s a shot of an in-progress experiment, in which I’m in the process of knitting together two pieces of paper:

Oh, and there’s even a bonus to all of this: My recent change of scene is helping with my clutterbusting efforts in an unexpected way. Instead of “sweaters I’ll never finish” (the kind of thing that I have the darnedest time getting rid of), my change of scene helped me transmogrify my “what do I do with this?” stash into “art projects-in-the-making.”

I don’t know what they will turn into, but for the first time in a long while I’m excited to experiment, and this is a good thing.

Thanks, Seattle, for helping to cure my Artist Date amnesia and refill my well! I look forward to my next visit.

PS – Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

*Un-Finished Objects

April 25, 2013

Your Bliss is your responsibility—don’t shut it off!

Every so often I dig into the Living A Creative Life archives, and pull out a classic article that feels worthy of reposting. This is one such Living A Creative Life Classic, originally published on May 6, 2010. Enjoy, and let me know your thoughts! ~M

When I got divorced, one of the things that got me out of bed in the morning was knowing that tonight (or the next night, or the next) I was going out dancing.

Dance was my first love. I’d been on a career track as a modern dancer, and only stopped when forced by an injury (a good thing in the end, but that’s another story). Now, years later, even though I could have physically handled going out dancing, I never did while I was married.

Why? Because my husband didn’t like to dance. And because he was so jealous it didn’t even enter my mind to go out alone.

A big, important part of myself, one of my core Blisses, was effectively cut off for years.

And it was 100% my own fault.

The truth is each of us is 100% responsible for our own happiness, and I didn’t have to let my husband’s jealousy and lack of interest determine my choices. It felt like I had no choice, but in fact that was just me playing the victim and not taking responsibility.

When I finally “rediscovered” dance during my divorce, I was insanely grateful to “get dance back,” and insanely annoyed with myself for ever letting someone else’s preferences dictate my choices.

I swore I’d never do the same thing again.

Yet in my last relationship I did just that. You’d think over a decade of personal growth would have made a difference, but no.

This time the Bliss in question was music, singing jazz to be exact, and before I met my ex, my habit was to get out to a jam session or two at least every week or so, where I could get a microphone in my hand. But during the year-plus of my last relationship, I only went to jam sessions a handful times.

Why? Not because my ex forbade me from going, but simply because he didn’t like jazz, and wasn’t willing to learn to like it. So I was left with the choice of either following my Bliss, or spending time with him.

Now, I’d worked long and hard to find this relationship (57 dates in a 2 1/2 year period, in fact). I thought this man was my life partner, and our relationship was a huge priority in my life. Plus I just plain liked spending time with him! Then there was the fact that, unlike my ex-husband, he did go out dancing with me, even subjected himself to the sometimes excruciating challenge of learning Argentine Tango so that we could dance together.

The man was clearly willing, just not when it came to jazz. (Did I mention he also left the room when I played guitar? You’d think that would have been a clue…)

At the time, my choice to spend time with him rather than following my Bliss seemed tolerable. Now I’m not so sure.

Think about it: much as we don’t like to believe this, relationships come and go. Blisses endure. Perhaps the fact that this man couldn’t muster up enthusiasm for my Bliss was a clue that it wasn’t going to be a good match for the long term.

Are there people in your life who are less than supportive of you following your Bliss? Take a good, hard look. Are those relationships really going to serve you in the end? If there’s a niggling voice somewhere inside, you might want to pay attention to it.

I’m not telling you to break up with someone, but I am telling you, as one who knows, that cutting off an important part of your creative self is not the route to happiness.

You are 100% responsible. Seeking happiness is your birthright, and your Blisses are key to that happiness. Don’t you deserve to have people around you who will support you in your efforts to follow your evolving Bliss?

You bet you do. Don’t settle for less.

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

March 7, 2013

Bedroom Rituals Learned On Retreat

The courtyard at Santa Sabina Center, the setting for the Friends of Calligraphy retreat

On Sunday I got back from a five-day retreat hosted by my beloved calligraphy guild, the Friends of Calligraphy. I’d been counting the days to the retreat for months.

The first time I went on this retreat was in 2002, and since then I’ve only missed one FOC retreat in twelve years. In the words of one of my fellow retreat regulars (though to be fair, with only one out of the 32 of us a newbie, the retreat has a way of making everyone who attends a regular):

“The retreat is non-negotiable.” [Read more…]

GAaahHh! Deadlines!

An Excuse, or an Opportunity?

Oh, Yeah… Science!

Support In Becoming a Well-Nourished Woman

A Case of Persistent Amnesia

A Doggie Photo Shoot at the Farmer’s Market

The Yarn Shops’ Lack = My Gain

Would You Like Some Cookies?