falling off the wagon Archives - Melissa Dinwiddie | Create the Impossible™

November 27, 2014

Giving Thanks for Self-Compassion

I love Thanksgiving. A holiday dedicated to focusing on what we’re thankful for — how beautiful is that?

I’m thankful for so much — a loving, supportive partner; my family and friends; my home; my kitty; abundant, healthy food; clean water; work that challenges and inspires me; the ability to run up and down stairs (not something I could have done post knee surgery, just a few years ago!) The list goes on.

Today I’m especially thankful that now, in my late 40s, I am finally able to extend the same kind of compassion toward myself that I do toward others.

Instead of holding myself to a superhuman standard, and then beating myself up when I invariably fail to measure up, I’m learning to give myself a fresh start whenever I need one.

What a change from my teenage and early adult years, when my unforgiving attitude and impossibly-high expectations (combined with a few other little things like, oh, sexism and Capitalism) helped keep me trapped in a bulimic spiral of doom.

I could point to so many factors that helped me heal, but ultimately it all boils down to self-compassion.

Allowing myself to treat myself with compassion affects all areas of my life, but where it really hit me this morning was when I looked at my messy art table, which had been gathering dust after weeks of on and off travel. I’d been in such a great groove back in October, painting, making spontaneous music loops, playing in the Creative Sandbox — usually in multiple mediums — just about every day. But as it so often does, travel derailed me.

To paraphrase Newton’s First Law of Motion “A body in motion stays in motion; a body at rest stays at rest.”

When we’re in the habit of creating every day, it’s easy (or at least easier) to keep creating. When we fall out of the habit, inertia sets in, and I felt like a Big Block of Inertia.

It was tempting to point to some Very Good Reasons to explain the dust collecting on my paints and tools. I mean hey, I’m busy! I have a Living Room Tour to organize, improv shows to practice for, courses to launch!

Underneath it all, though, I knew these were just excuses.

The temptation was so great to lambaste myself, first for not diving back into the Creative Sandbox, and second for making excuses! “Oh, Melissa,” that inner voice said, “how could you? For shame!”

Thankfully, though, I’m wise enough to know that such treatment only ever backfires. Shame is not a motivator. Beatings do not increase morale.

So I smiled patiently at that mean, inner voice, patted it on the head, and responded with compassion instead.

“You are human,” I reminded myself. “Yes, you stumble, just like everyone else. This does not mean you’re flawed, or broken, or unworthy, or hopeless; it’s simply a reflection of your humanity.”

Instead of beating myself up, I loved myself up.

I reminded myself of rule #4 of my Creative Sandbox Rules, my Keys to Creative Flow: Think tiny & daily. I reminded myself of the surprising power of setting “ridiculously achievable” goals, like 15 minutes a day.

So this morning I set a timer for ten minutes and cleared space on my messy art table. Then I set a timer for fifteen minutes and played.

Recent trips kept me away from my art table, and inertia started to set in over the past few weeks, as it does. The antidote: just start, and make it “ridiculously achievable!” 15 minutes playing in the #creativesandbox and I feel ready to face the day! HOORAY for PLAY!! #livingacreativelife #creativeprocess #joy #play #fun #paintingfun #workinprogress #experiment #juststart #15minutesaday #abstract #abstractart #art #artinspo #artinprocess #artistsofinstagram #mixedmedia #mixedmediaart #yes #sayyes #purple #cracklepaste #kromacrackle
A photo posted by Melissa Dinwiddie (@a_creative_life) on Nov 11, 2014 at 12:17pm PST

Another #workinprogress with one of my favorite #quotes: “Better is better.” #livingacreativelife #truth #reminder #quote #wip #art #artinprocess #artistsofinstagram #abstract #abstractart #mixedmedia #mixedmediaart #cracklepaste #kromacrackle #type A photo posted by Melissa Dinwiddie (@a_creative_life) on Nov 11, 2014 at 12:20pm PST

And you know what? The rest of my day went better.

I smiled more. I had more patience. I felt happier. I was more productive.

That’s how it works: feed yourself well, and you’ve got the fuel you need to deal with the slings and arrows of life.

I know this. I preach this, for goodness’ sake! And yet I still fall off the wagon.

Thankfully, I know enough to keep my wagon really short (i.e., a few minutes, a single 3×5 card, a brief scribble — or as Laureen says, any amount counts), so it’s easy to climb back on. 🙂

This is what will get me through the craziness of holiday season: the power of self-compassion and the power of play. And the solid understanding that it’s never too late to take a fresh start.

This is what I’m thankful for.

Wanna jump in the sandbox with me?

If you’d like a gentle nudge onto your own short wagon to help buoy you up through holiday busy-ness, join me in the sandbox next week, when I’ll be running a special holiday session of Creative Sandbox 101. It runs for one week, inviting you in for a tiny, luscious bite of playful goodness every day for seven days, from Wednesday, December 3 through Tuesday, December 9 (but you have a whole month to access the content and play in our private Facebook group).

Insiders get super-special holiday pricing, so if you’re not already on my mailing list, sign up now in the form below.

I know your mean inner voice is probably screaming that you don’t have the time, but believe me, just a few minutes a day tending to your creative spirit pays off in spades. It may be the best return on investment you’ve gotten all year.

Click here to read more and register now.

Happy Thanksgiving!

PS — Want to give someone else Creative Sandbox 101 as a gift? Email me and I’ll set you up with a special certificate you can send as a gift.

PPS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

November 3, 2013

My Confession

Confession: despite the best of intentions, I don’t always manage to play in the Creative Sandbox every day.

Nope. Sometimes I stumble pretty badly.

Take this past week, for example.

What with multiple deadlines up the wazoo, all converging on the same day, all my goals for slowing down and NOT overworking flew right out the window.

It was like the “bad, old days,” when I used to work late into the night every night, and rarely made time to play and create.

No ArtSparking. No playing in the Creative Sandbox.

I even forgot to meditate for three days in a row!

I did manage to do my daily 3x5x365 mini-writes, which was good. But this was not enough fuel to keep my creative spirit glowing happily.

I was not a happy camper.

The difference between now and the “bad, old days,” though, is that now when I stumble like this I don’t use it as a way to beat myself up (which, of course, only used to multiply my suffering).

Instead, I use my stumblings as an opportunity:

To remember that I’m human.
To notice where my life and behavior differs from how I want it to be, and ask myself what I need to do to move in that direction.
To treat myself with the kind of compassion and kindness I would extend to a beloved friend.

And then I get right back on the wagon.

Like my latest ArtSpark (above) says: “Remember: the most important practice is just getting back on the wagon.”

Today I got back on the wagon

I was Ms. Crankypants all morning. I knew the only thing that would shift my mood was some Creative Sandbox time. So I pulled out my paints and pens and ArtSparks-in-progress, and I just started playing.

“What would happen if I add some brush strokes to this piece?” I asked.

In fact, some of the paint dripped before I could make the brush stroke. Oops… Ah, well, I did what I usually do in that kind of situation: I added some more drips. 🙂

“What if I type a block of text in a strip down this one?” I asked next.

Then, “What if I pull out my circle ruler and draw some circles?”

Just a swish here, a swash there, and pretty soon my drafting table was covered with wet-and-drying ArtSparks-in-process:

The best part: in no time at all (literally, I think I spent about 15 minutes total), my mood went from crankypants to thrumming and smiley.

Playing in the Creative Sandbox does that.

My Favorite Power-Tool

One of the things that I know always helps me clear space and time for my creative spirit is community.

Support, encouragement, accountability, simply having my creative self recognized by kindred spirits — these are all powerful tools to help me make sure I don’t cheat my precious creative spirit of the nourishment she needs.

This is exactly why I created my new course, Get Sparked!

If you could use some support connecting (or re-connecting) with your creative side and becoming more mindful, I invite you to join me for 30 days of cultivating joy and delight in the nooks and crannies of your life.

Another confession: Get Sparked! just as much for me as for you. I’ll be responding to the prompts and sharing my creations and insights in the private Facebook group along with everyone else!

So if you’ve been wanting to come play with me, jump on in today. The party starts on Tuesday, November 5th (my birthday!)

I hope to see you inside!

[button link=”https://melissadinwiddie.com/get-sparked” type=”big” color=”orange”] Register Now[/button]

PS — Pssst! Know someone who might benefit from seeing this today? Pass it on!

August 29, 2011

It’s Not How You Do It, It’s THAT You Do It

Last week, one of my Creative Ignition Circle members (or as I like to call them, Igniters) posted in our secret Facebook group that she hadn’t achieved one of the goals she’d set for herself for the week. She was feeling like a loser, beating herself up for falling off the wagon, and wondering if she should even come to the weekly call that night.

“You’d better come to the call!” I wrote in response (I even threatened to send my henchmen across the country to knock down her door if she didn’t!), and pointed her to last week’s video blog, which just happened to be about falling off the wagon. (Talk about timing, eh?)

Thank goodness she did call in, because the changes she made as a result of that evening’s 15-minute “hot-seat” were huge.

Instead of wallowing in “I suck,” she used her “falling off the wagon” experience to recommit to what she really wanted. Instead of letting her beat herself up, I pulled the proverbial whip from her hand and encouraged her to pick herself up and…

Correct Forward

It’s a matter of perspective. Instead of berating yourself for what you did wrong, ask: What do I want to do differently? How am I going to make things better moving ahead?

Beating yourself up is a colossal waste of time and energy. Correcting forward is a way to transform that “failure” into a future success.

That, alone, is a great lesson in the power of persevering, despite feeling like you’ve “blown it.” My Igniter is certainly not the first person to have experienced the despairing feeling of falling off the wagon – it’s happened to me more times than I can count, and I’ll wager it’s happened to you too.

Here’s the most interesting part, though:

This particular Igniter was beating herself up for not managing to make it to an event she’d planned to attend, and yet, she had managed to spend 15 minutes at her creative thing almost every single day since our last call.

Somehow, the fact that she’d missed the one event completely overshadowed in her own mind the enormous achievement of sticking with her daily commitment for a whole week!

It’s all too easy to notice where you’re falling down, and utterly disregard where you’re making progress, where you’re succeeding, where you’re doing well.

I’m no stranger to this trap. Just today I was meeting with Susan, my life coach, feeling badly about myself because, although I’ve been creating every day, this past week I had two music & comedy gigs coming up and was focused more on music and writing than on visual art, so I didn’t manage to paint every single day.

Call it…

The extra challenge of the Bliss-Diverse

My internal conversation went something like this:

Me 1: Aren’t you supposed to be modeling your 15 Minutes a Day challenge, playing in the Creative Sandbox every single day for at least 15 minutes? You’re going to come across like a hypocrite!

Me 2: Hey, give yourself a break! You’re still managing to produce 5 new little ArtSpark artworks every week. Does it matter what your art-making schedule is? Isn’t the important thing that you’re doing it, and keeping your toe in the water of your creative stream?

Me 3: Not to mention the fact that you always advise other people to find the working/playing method that works for them. 15 Minutes a Day is your suggestion as a way to get started, an invitation to try – that’s all. It was never meant as a prescription, or a formula! Everyone is going to have a different ideal ~~working~~ play schedule, and that’s how it should be.

In today’s meeting, Susan pulled the proverbial whip out of my hand, just as I had done with my Igniter, and asked “What would you say to a client who called you out on not doing your ArtSpark art every day?”

That’s when Me #4 jumped in:

Me 4: Um, excuse me, have you noticed that you are still playing in the Creative Sandbox every day, and for much more than 15 minutes? You may not be playing with paint and paper, but you’re still playing, my dear! Rotating your focus from passion to passion comes with the territory for Bliss-Diverse folks such as yourself. Scanners, Multi-Passionates, Renaissance Souls, Passion-Pluralites are always going to be pulled in different directions, and as long as you’re creating, as long as you’re feeding that inner creative spark, it doesn’t matter which particular Bliss you’re focused on.

Which is pretty much what I would say to the imaginary client who questioned me on my “inconsistent” ~~work~~ play habits.

It’s not how you do it, it’s THAT you do it

The thing I’m most pleased with about the life I’ve created is that, if I take my Passion-Plurality into consideration, my ~~work~~ play habits are, in fact, more consistent than they’ve ever been.

For some people, getting into their ~~work~~ play space at the same time every day and working for a set amount of time is the most effective way for them to battle Resistance (as Steven Pressfield refers to it in The War of Art) and get creating.

For others, three full days a week in the studio will be the key.

For others, it will be a different formula altogether.

In the same way, some creatives are happy focusing on one Bliss – and only one Bliss – for years and years, or even for a lifetime.

Others of us are compelled by a multitude of Blisses.

The upshot

I’m a firm believer in the importance of some kind of regularity to your practice – some way to keep your toe always in the creative stream.

But exactly what that ideal practice will look like depends entirely on you.

As long as you’re not justifying a “practice” that actually keeps you stuck in Resistance and avoiding doing your creative thing, the “right” practice is the one that works for you, period.

Tell me, what is your ideal creative practice? Are you doing it? If not, when will you start?

xo, Melissa <3

PS – If you liked this post, please tweet, share, like and/or send it to a friend you think might like it too.

July 4, 2011

Turning Sucky Into Sweet

Cindy, Sue & Melissa - last day at JCW 2011 — Cindy, Sue & me, three tired and happy singers on the last day of camp

I need a vacation.

Actually, I just had a vacation, but my vacation was Jazz Camp West, which always leaves me utterly wiped out and longing for a week of lounging about on a beach somewhere, doing nothing but catching up on reading and sleep.

Never happens, but hell, a girl can dream, right?

Just to be clear, my week at JCW absolutely energized, nourished and refreshed me creatively, emotionally and spiritually. It’s just physically that I feel like a washcloth that’s been wrung out and left to dry.

Thankfully, after five years of JCW, plus seven years of other music camps, I know to expect this. It’s part of the process, part of the rhythm of camp: a week of intensity, creative epiphanies, emotional peaks and spiritual transformations, followed by a bit of a crash (sometimes the post-camp let-down is pretty severe), and several days to recuperate.

Not to mention catch up on my email. I think I spent six solid hours hacking away at my inbox yesterday, which, to be honest, was not the wisest way to transition back to “normal life.” Just sayin’. Note to self.

My goal for the day after camp was to write a blog post, make some art, and take lots of naps. In fact, I did none of those things. (Though I did at least sleep in.)

Getting away for a creative immersion is profound and transformative. But that’s the “easy” part.

The challenging part is holding on to all that creative energy, drive and passion after you’re plunked back into “regular life.”

It’s just as challenging for me as for anybody else, as witnessed by yesterday’s email extravaganza. Did I really have to spend a full day in front of my computer dealing with my backlog of 600+ emails? Surely some of them could have waited for a day or two.

Honestly, I went into a bit of a panic spiral when I thought my vacation auto-responder had not been working. The fear of losing business kicked me into gear.

But even after I discovered that in fact the vacation notice had gone out as planned, I kept my butt firmly in my computer chair and obsessively worked through that email pile until it cried mercy.

And guess what: I felt just as cranky and annoyed as on any other day of overwork and underplay. As if my blissful, amazing, transformative week at Jazz Camp had never happened.

Something is wrong with this picture.

Has this ever happened to you? Somehow I doubt I’m the only person who’s fallen into this trap. So what to do?

Here’s something you might not expect: Instead of beating myself up, or cursing my overloaded inbox, I’m actually feeling quite grateful right now.

Huh? Grateful?

If you’ve ever made a commitment to something – maybe you’ve gone on a diet, or started an exercise regime, or a do-something-creative-every-day challenge – and “blown it,” you know how sucky that feels.

But here’s the beautiful thing: the very fact that it feels sucky is a brilliant reminder that the thing you “blew,” the thing you didn’t do, is something you really, really want.

Am I making sense here?

You commit to exercising every day. You miss a day. You feel sucky. All understood. But right here is where you have an opportunity. Which path will you take?

Path number 1: You can beat yourself up, feel really badly about yourself, maybe so badly that you give up altogether on that dream that got you going in the first place. “Ah shit, I’m such a failure, why bother trying?” is the thinking.

Or path number 2: You can notice how sucky it feels to not do the thing you want. You can use that awareness to remind yourself of how much better you feel when you do do the thing you want. You can acknowledge that you’re human, give yourself a break, make a mental note of how you want to do things differently going forward, and re-commit to the thing that’s important to you.

Correct forward

You can use your “bad day,” your “mistake,” your tumble off the wagon to punish yourself, or you can use it to re-energize yourself. You can turn sucky into sweet.

So today, I prioritized writing this post. Now I’m headed out for a walk by the Bay with my sweetie, and when we get back, I’m making art.

How about you?