Inspired by Havi (because she’s brilliant), and because looking back is a great way to figure out the best way to move forward, I’ve started a ritual of reviewing the week that was: what went well, where it got hard, what to take away, and next steps.
How was your week? Chime in if you like!
The real review
(Which is late, because I let other deadlines get in the way.)
Theme of the week: time to reset. Again.
If this week has validated anything, it’s that change is the only constant.
And that includes emotional states.
Which is a very good thing, otherwise I’d still feel stuck, overwhelmed, lost, and somewhat hopeless.
Which is, in fact, how I felt for much of this week. But before I go there, let’s talk about:
What went well
• Mind mapping! I love mind mapping! It helped bust me out of my stuckness. (Note to self: when feeling stuck, make a mind map!)
• I made a video! About mind mapping.
• I was able to remember (mostly) that being stuck is usually the incubation ground for huge leaps and strides forward.
• I let myself cry, cry, cry, and reached out… a little. Which is way better than not at all.
• New ideas in abundance! Excitement! Enthusiasm!
• I overcame my stuckness and signed up for three new courses that I’m excited about.
• Writing for The Dating Queen was fun and flowing.
• A free coaching session with Sinclair, which:
– validated that my vision is “really doable” (so helpful to hear it from someone else!)
– gave me a tool for anchoring myself back to calm
• Girl-talk on Thursday night. (The cure for what ails you in most cases.)
What was hard
• Feeling stuck, overwhelmed, lost and somewhat hopeless about ever getting what I want.
• Getting caught in the Comparison Trap (“Oh, they’re doing what I want to do, and are so successful, and so much younger, therefore I’m a loser.” Um, no. That would be not be a logical conclusion.)
• Feeling like I should follow my Plan B path, because that’s the more sensible thing to do. And feeling bad about myself for not bucking up and just doing it.
• Feeling a little paralyzed about writing here, because suddenly this blog has become more than a diary, and because my readers are not all entirely imaginary, I want my posts to be “high quality.” And then feeling badly that I’m feeling paralyzed, because this blog is first and foremost supposed to be a tool to help me follow my evolving Blisses and create the life I really, really want!
A note from my soul:
This is your soul speaking. Remember me? I’m the one who told you to fly off to New York with two suitcases and audition for Juilliard, even though it meant doing the crazy thing and dropping out of Cal, because dancing was what you really wanted to do.
And several years later, I’m the one who told you not to fill out your PhD applications, because although it seemed like the sensible thing, it wasn’t what you really wanted to do.
Then a few years after that, I’m the one who tempted you away from your sad, frustrated attempts at writing and got you to procrastinate by making art, because that’s what you really wanted to do.
And later, I’m the one who encouraged you to keep making music when the business you created from your art wasn’t letting you express yourself (and feed me) to your satisfaction.
Now I’m telling you that, although I’m very proud of you for creating a business from your art, it’s time for you to refocus and get back to your Blisses.
I know you figured out how to make a living from your art the best way you could at the time, and it was good. It was great. But you get to reach for more, you really do. You don’t have to settle. You know you won’t be happy if you do. You know that unless you go after what you really want, I’ll always be hungry.
I want to gently remind you that you get to go after your true goals, not just your second-best goals. You don’t get to beat yourself up for not following the paths that other people might think you should follow. You get to go after what you really, really want.
Your job on this planet is to be fully yourself, to keep that channel open and follow your evolving Blisses.
Check in with me if your feel confused about this, okay? I am unwavering in my support and will validate you if you just take a moment to ask. We’re in this together!
I love you, and have complete faith in you and your abilities to create exactly what you want.
And some notes from me:
Yes, I figured out this week that I was indeed feeling pulled to settle. I figured out that the stuckness, the paralysis and overwhelm were at least partly due to the fact that I was in resistance to doing what I felt I should do. Once I let go of feeling like I had to follow the shoulds, some of the overwhelm just dissolved.
Serendipity: Chris Guillebeau wrote last week that your backup plan is your plan. As Will Smith put it, “Your Plan B interferes with Plan A.”
It took me a week to realize that I was in fact letting Plan B keep me from diving into Plan A, but once I did realize it, something snapped.
If I keep putting energy into Plan B, it’s going to divert energy from Plan A. I have limited energy, and if Plan A is what I really want, then goddammit, just f*cking go for it!
Whew. That’s out of the way.
So. Time to reset. Again.
Next steps and commitments
I will be gentle and forgiving with myself for only posting twice a week (my formal commitment) rather than every day (my informal – and unrealistic – goal).
I will create a new piece of art for my Irresistible Woman line this weekend.
I will allow myself to take things one step at a time, learning from my various teachers at my own pace, and gently steering myself back toward my big goals when I inevitably get diverted.
I will listen to my soul, which has never steered me wrong.
I will have patience.
I will have patience.
I will have patience.
And I will forgive myself when I don’t.